I Love Being Around Those I Love

Hello, I am 18 years old and I am still a HUGE fan of the Alice series!  I cannot wait till you come out with more books.
As expected, I need help.
I am a freshman in college at a California State University.  I am originally from a small town about an hour and a half north of Los Angeles.  Around the end of my senior year in high school, I ended up falling head over heals for a junior at the same high school.  He has never once disrespected me, nor has he acted immature towards me.  We ended up going to prom together.  The summer before I left for college, we had just about spent every day together.  As the days passed, I kept falling and falling.  I have never once felt this way about anyone.  You know that saying “if you feel it is right, then it IS right”?  Well, I feel exactly like that.  I honestly cannot imagine my life without him and I see a future with him.  When I left for college, I took it so hard.  However, I knew what I was going to Los Angeles for and that was to gain an education and make something of myself.  I am currently trying to stay positive about everything but there are some days when I simply can’t.  I end up driving home in the wee hours of the night and staying for the weekend just to go see my boyfriend and my family.  Don’t get me wrong, I do get my work done.  I handle my responsibilities above all else.  When I am home, I am happy.  I love being around those I love.  As soon as it’s time to go back to Los Angeles, I get depressed.  My boyfriend reassures me everything will be okay, and that we will make it through anything.  I believe that but I just don’t like being a day without him.  I don’t know what to do Mrs. Naylor.  I don’t know how to handle it when I’m missing him.  He is planning to attend the same college I am.  I always wonder if everything is going to work.  I can see myself marrying him.  I can see myself having kids with him.  I see myself with him.  The distance thing is just taking a pretty hard hit on me. 
Phyllis replied:
You really are having a hard time of it, I can tell.  And perhaps you two really are in love and will eventually marry.  It’s possible.  But here’s the thing: even if this is the case, you still need to learn to be independent, and by that I mean not only taking care of your personal needs and getting your school work done when you are away from home, but learning to function as a mature adult when there is no one physically around who “loves” you.  In other words, you need to have the self confidence and self esteem to carry on with your life when you are not continually being reassured, by the love and presence of someone else, that you are cherished.   You say, “I always wonder if everything is going to work.”  I think there is a lot of anxiety behind this need for love.  Try looking at it this way:  If the love between you and your boyfriend lasts, and you eventually marry, the most important thing you can do for your marriage right now is to increase your own self-confidence and independence, which will make you a better wife.  Stay at the college over the weekend and when you start feeling lonely, tellyourself you’re already working on your possible marriage-to-be.  It’s also the best thing you can do for yourself.
Posted on: October 10, 2010


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