Question: do you think because someone suffers from a mental disorder that person should not date?

i have a question for you. do you think because someone suffers from a mental disorder that person should not date? i think it is unfair to say that they shouldn’t because having support is the fastest way to recovery. im just asking cause when i was at a psyc hospital and one of the staff members told us that we shouldn’t date. i was in there 4 times last year for boarderline personality disorder fyi. but i am fairly recovered now, i dont hurt myself i take my meds im happy again, i have three groups a week and two individual sessions and i feel like i should be able to date but people are telling me no because i was “mentaly unstable” last year. what do you think?

PHYLLIS Replied:
Even if I were a psychiatrist, I would not be able to answer your question without knowing much more about you and your history. Are you getting this opinion from just one staff member or members of your therapy group, or is this coming from your doctor? It’s possible they feel you are too vulnerable still, that someone might take advantage of you, or that you might take advantage of someone else. It sounds to me as though you are improving, and I certainly hope it continues. I also understand your desire to date and be close to someone. Until you get more definite advice from your therapist or doctor, I’d suggest that you concentrate on improving your relationship with friends and group members. Feeling close and sympathetic to other people is good practice for feeling close and loving on a date. Learning to take rejection, criticism, advice, etc. is also good practice for dating, because things don’t always go so well on a date. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on having a boyfriend or girlfriend that when it really does happen, the reality is a lot less than the fantasy. Learn to be a “best friend” to someone first, and then perhaps dating will be the next step.

Posted on: January 29, 2009


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