Question: There is a boy at my school who has a crush on me…

I have a problem. It is quite trivial, but I would like some advice. There is a boy at my school who has a crush on me- he has had one for four years now- and I have been quite uppity toward him until this year. We have become friends, though nothing more; he is just the kind of person that I see as only a friend. Lately he has been trying to arrange outings between the two of us, and I have even gone to talk to him at a coffee shop out of pity (he basically backed me into a corner until I could not refuse). I don’t want to give him the wrong impression and I have told him this numerous times. It also feels very uncomfortable to see him outside of school and I wish I could kindly decline his offers permanently. Am I a horrible person? What can I do to remain friends with him but have a mutual understanding to not see each other outside of school? I would appreciate any advice you have on the subject.

In rereading this I see how immature it sounds but I will send it anyway; I only hope you can understand this from a 17-year-old’s point of view.

PHYLLIS Replied:
I don’t think you sound immature.  I think you sound compassionate, and it’s really difficult to turn down someone who likes you in the way that he does.  I think that perhaps you haven’t been as definite as you might think.  What needs to be done is painful, but the sooner the better:  Find a time when you aren’t hurried, when there is no one else around, preferably when you’re both sitting down.  Then tell him that you are friends, and you value his friendship, but you don’t have a romantic feeling for him, and it’s making you very uncomfortable when he keeps trying to get you both together out of school.  You will have to state very clearly that you’ll have to give up the friendship if this continues.  If he agrees, then change the subject, talk about other things, and see if he’ll follow your lead.

Posted on: January 6, 2009


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