Alice Blog

Ignorant When It comes to Being Social

Question:

 
I’ve written to you multiple times before. Most of those times, you gave me the absolute best advice I could have asked for and wouldn’t have found anywhere else. This is the reason why I’ve chosen to seek out your advice yet another time on yet another issue that has recently come into existence in my life. This year has been my first year in the public school system–as well as the first year I’ve ever been so utterly exposed to a social environment–and to make a long story short, I hate it. Well, hate’s a strong word, and I don’t want to be spoiled and whine because the experience hasn’t been everything I’d wanted it to be. But it’s definitely strainful on myself, thanks to some key events and facts: first of which is I’m completely ignorant when it comes to being social, and while everyone else around me is talking in class or getting praise from the teachers, I’m sitting in the back of the room feeling awkward and embarrassed and more self-conscious than I ever have in my life. And then there’s the thing where I used to have a friend who I thought was my best friend–she was new just like me, and we became friends the first day of school and so continued for two more months, but then she was absent for about two weeks, and then as soon as she came back? It wasn’t just that we weren’t friends anymore, but she acted and currently acts like we never were. She completely ignores me~~doesn’t even say hi~~and it’s just deeply painful to me because I feel like she was just decieving me and pretending to be my friend until someone else came along… not once during our friendship did she ever suggest we hang out, and whenever I suggested we go to a school dance together, she always said they were lame or boring or something else, yet just today I heard her making plans to go with her new friend! The whole situation with her frustrates me to the very core to say the least, but add that to the fact that I myself am not exactly socially blooming, routinely feel like an idiot and so act like one (at least in my opinion) by way of not coming across clearly to my teachers, and well… I’ve just been feeling very depressed. A frequent thought I have nowadays is along the lines of “You know, I wouldn’t mind dying”. I’m not so depressed to the point of wanting to die, but at the end of everyday I feel so bad emotionally that I honestly feel that I wouldn’t mind if it decided to happen… I know I sound like an idiot who’s completely self-absorbed and blowing her life up to sound way worse than it actually is, but for me it’s hard not to be so focused on myself, because I am myself and am actually going through this, if that makes sense. You’re probably falling asleep reading this, I’ve written so much, but I’d still like to add one more thing. When people ask for advice on forging friendships, the advice-giver often suggests they just let their personality shine and to “be yourself”. But to be honest, I’m in middle school, Mrs. Naylor, and while I’m supposed to be just finding myself, I’ve actually never felt so lost before in my life. I’d really appreciate it if you wrote back. Thanks.

Phyllis replied:

I’m going to guess that you’ve been home-schooled without much contact with other people your age.  I can understand your feelings, because even students who have grown up going to public schools often feel idiotic and completely out of the loop when they start a new class or a new school.  It’s possible that the girl you thought you were friends with sensed your isolation and wasn’t sure enough of herself and her own abilities to stick the friendship out, wanting instead to hang out with kids who were more self-assured.  I have given this advice often, but it’s the best I can offer and it usually works:  quit trying to “make friends” and concentrate on joining groups that have a purpose other than socializing:  the school newspaper, the drama club, a sports team, an art project, a book club, a science competition–anything at all that throws you in with a group of people who meet regularly, whose purpose is something you can get your hands on and your mind around.  This way you can make friends naturally.   The focus is on something else, and you’ll have plenty of chances, by trial and error, to learn the fine points of being more social.

How Do You Start Becoming a Writer?

Question:

firstly I love your Alice series they are so life like when I read some of her embarrassing moments I think hey! that happened to me which is cool to be able to relate to the books… your books have really helped me figure who I really am because at home my mum doesn’t really talk to me about growing up stuff she gets embarrassed and says when your older you will find out but reading your books has helped me learn that it’s natural to feel what I’m going through. But also as many other people have said I want to become a writer I’ve written two books but I haven’t got them published or anything but I was wondering how you start becoming a writer and how you get books published…

Phyllis replied:

Please get a copy of my paperback, “How I Came to be a Writer.”  If your library doesn’t have it, ask them to get it on inter-library loan.  It will describe the whole process to you and how I went about it.

Time Capsule?

Question:

I was wondering what Alice in Charge was going to be about. Do you have any other books that your going to write that our like the Alice series? What book was it when Alice did a time capsule?

Phyllis replied:

It’s really too soon to talk about “Alice in Charge.”  The only other series you might possibly like are the girls/versus/boys books, beginning with “The Boys Start the War,” though these are mostly for younger readers.  I’d have to go through the Alice books myself to find out when her class buried a time capsule, but it’s late at night, I’m really tired, and I have other emails to answer, so I’m hoping one of my faithful readers will write in and answer it for me.

Female Masturbation

Phyllis replied:

It’s a lot easier for boys to find their penis than for girls to discover their clitoris, and this is probably why boys discover masturbation early on.  I can assure you there is a huge, huge population of 13 year old girls who masturbate, as well as younger girls, older girls, grown-up girls and even grandmothers.  Some girls do, some girls don’t.  Some do it a lot, some do it once in a while.  Some girls have other ways to relax, and it doesn’t really matter.  I know it’s not a topic girls usually discuss, while guys can actually brag about it.  Maybe they feel it’s not feminine or something.   But it’s good for girls and women to know their own bodies better and what gives them pleasure.  This makes it easier for them to tell their male partners what works and what doesn’t.

Sometimes I Get So Discouraged

Question:

     first off, your books are amazing. your books are what got me into reading when i was younger. ive read evey alice book, they’ve helped a lot. so thank you for writing them. now i have a question to ask you. when you first started writing did you have everything planned out, like very situation, every event? or did you keep changing your mind? also, did you get discouraged while writing or was it easy? does it get easier over time to write? im sorry i asked so many questions, but i want to write a book and even though my friends all give it a 9 out of 10 im not sure its good. i keep changing my ming a lot about the events taking place in the book and sometimes the whole situation too. sometimes i even get so discouraged i consider quitting. i just wanted to know if this is normal? thanks.this will be a great help

Phyllis replied:

First I need to ask you a question:  Are you actually writing a book, or are you talking over the plot with friends?   There’s a difference.  I never discuss a book with anyone until I’ve written a draft that is the best I can do at the time.  Then I let my husband read it, I may read it chapter by chapter to a critique group, and it’s only then that I let other people look at it, or hear it, and make comments.   When I first think of a new plot, I’m obviously very excited about it or I wouldn’t put in all the work it takes to write a book.  But if I talk about it to someone else, and she says, “Yeah, but didn’t somebody write a book like that two years ago?” or “Are you sure you want it to end that way?” or any other kind of criticism, it bursts my bubble and I’m not as excited about it any longer.  I need to keep thinking that it’s going to be a good book as long as I can, but once it’s down on paper, ALL of it, then I’m ready to accept criticism.  When I start a book, I know the plot, I know the characters, I know the climax, I know how it ends, and I know a number of major things that happen along the way.  But that’s all.  I don’t know all the little twists and turns, and it’s the things that surprise me while I’m writing that makes it fun.  Yes, sometimes I do get discouraged because it’s not going as well as I thought it would.  Then I put it away for a while and work on something else.  But it seems to keep playing around in the back of my mind, and eventually I get a new angle on the book that was giving me trouble, and go back to it feeling enthusiastic again.

What’s It About?

Question:

 i lvoe your books! i cannot wait ofr Alcie in Xharge! Could you tell me whats it about? and how many more books in the alice series? i am 12 eyars old and have been reading alice for well 2 3 years

Phyllis replied:

Please don’t ask what the next book’s about.  It hasn’t even come back from the copy editor yet, and I’m sure there’s still work to be done on it.  There will be three more books after “Alice in Charge.”

More Alice Movies?

Question:

I absolutley love your books and how you put such passion into the Alice books! You make life seem so simple especially looking at Alice’s view on things. She has it pretty hard sometimes. I had a question though, Do you think you’d make more movies of Alice? The first time I saw the Movie Alice, I didnt like it at all, because it seemed the characters of Alice, and Lester were from Disney channel, and Alice was grown to have strawberry blonde hair and The Alice character in the book didn’t match up to her. How come? And would you ever do a movie series of Alice? You’re a great author! I love your work!

Phyllis replied:

I didn’t make the first one.  “Alice Upside Down” was done by some movie producers who based it loosely on “The Agony of Alice.”  They had their own version of what the movie should be, and it’s good to remember that you need to view a movie and a book as two separate things, and judge a movie on how well it comes off as a film, not on how much it resembles the book.  There was a lot that was different in the movie, but there was a lot to like, too.  My job isn’t to make movies; it’s to write books.

Need Advice

What Year Was She Born?

How Much These Books Have Meant to Me

Question:

I just wanted to commend you on your excellent Alice series. I originally read them when I was in middle school/early high school – I think, it’s hard to remember :),  and I was always struck by their inspirational messages and especially how funny they were! I am re-reading them now, at age 23, just sentimentally, you know, and I just wanted to write you and tell you how much these books have meant to me. My little sister is going on nine and I can’t wait to give her this series. These books are so wonderful and perfect for any growing girl.

Phyllis replied:

I appreciate your email so much.  I hope your little sister enjoys the books as much as you have!