Alice Blog

In Case We End Up Together?

Question:

I love your books. and i love your advice. A few weeks ago some kid in my grade had sexually harassed me. it was reported and took care of and everything but i might be going on a four day trip with the school and i am scared that he might also get accepted. I didn’t think about it until after i handed in my essay and everything. Is there any advise you can give me incase we end up going on the trip together? love your books. and i love your advice. A few weeks ago some kid in my grade had sexually harassed me. it was reported and took care of and everything but i might be going on a four day trip with the school and i am scared that he might also get accepted. I didn’t think about it until after i handed in my essay and everything. Is there any advise you can give me incase we end up going on the trip together?

Phyllis replied:

I don’t know the situation, but if the incident was reported and “taken care of,” I assume that this person was lectured? punished? etc. and is probably not going to repeat the offense? If you have reason to believe he will attempt something else, you need to talk with your teachers about this. But if, as I think you mean, it might simply be an uncomfortable situation–no real danger–I would assume a completely neutral attitude with this boy. I would not pointedly ignore him so that it is obvious to everyone else, and either embarrasses or angers him, but I would give him very little attention and get into conversations with others when he is around. And I would certainly stay with the group throughout the trip.

Posted on: May 22, 2009

Notes from Phyllis

Hello, readers:

I’m trying to understand this new format for the Alice website, so hope this message gets to the right place. I’m now able to post your emails to me almost as soon as you send them (providing I’m on the computer just then), so hopefully my answers will get posted on the fan mail page within a day or two. I’m heading to New York tomorrow, but will be taking a draft of Alice in Charge along on the train. I seem to be able to work in a public place as long as no one interrupts me.

My two granddaughters in Minneapolis are getting ready for graduation, one from high school, one from middle school; Sophia is looking forward to college, Tressa is looking forward to high school. In my New Jersey family, Garrett will entering first grade next year, Beckett will be having his third birthday. So there will be a lot of changes in both families, and change is the one thing in life we can be sure of.

I’d love to hear what YOU are looking forward to the most this summer!

Posted on: May 18, 2009

I Don’t Want to Stay in Homeschool!

Question:

Hi again! I e-mailed you about a week ago about my thing of being scared all the time? I just wanted to say that I have been trying what you’ve suggested, and though it’s gotten a little better, it’s still not a hundred percent effective. Plus I’m really bad at coming up with stuff on the spot, so I still can’t go into the basement without being scared, but the Chucky thing is going fine. I also wanted to say I can’t really remember when it started, but I’m sure I haven’t done anything bad recently that I’ve been punishing myself for, but I’m going to keep thinking back, I really don’t want to keep up like this.
But anyway, this e-mail is about a different problem I’m having! :/ I’ve been homeschooled all my life, and this year, I’m really excited because I’m really intent on going to public school for 8th grade. My first reason is just because I REALLY want to go, and the second is because homeschooling isn’t really effective for me. My teacher says I’ve potential as a student, and I try and work my hardest, but my dad who’s supposed to be my home instrructor is always really busy, thus this past semester I’ve been pretty much doing all the lessons and stuff myself, which is not how homeschooling is supposed to be, and it’s just so difficult! Anyway, so yesterday, the form from my school showed up with the withdrawal form that my dad is supposed to sign if I’m not going to be continuing with the homeschooling program next semester, and I told him what it was and that he had to sign it and then write down the school I want to go to so that the homeschool can fax over my documents, and he said “Who said anything about a withdrawal?” and I’m serious my heart almost stopped! Mrs. Naylor, I really don’t want to stay in homeschool any longer! I don’t feel normal being stuck at home all day, teaching myself stuff, and not being able to really get any assistance from my teacher, because the school is in another city! I want to go on field trips and go to dances, but I’m really afraid my dad is seriously not going to let me anymore, even though I thought we’d agreed on it at some point. He’s always been really difficult about school, but how do I convince him that this isn’t about him? That going to school is something I really, really want and that it’s important to me?

Phyllis replied:

Since I’ve not had any experience with homeschool, I’m not sure I can advise you. I’m hoping that if there are teachers or librarians reading this email, they might be able to offer some comments or suggestions. I don’t know your family, so don’t know if there is a mother in the picture, nor do I know your dad’s thinking in placing you in homeschool in the first place. You mention a teacher, but she is not close by? Here’s what I’m thinking: I believe that homeschooled students are tested periodically to see how they match up with those in public schools. If your grades are below the standard, or just so-so, I would use this as my argument for enrolling in public school. Don’t belittle your Dad’s help–he may already be feeling guilty because he’s not spending enough time with you. I would put my request, calmly, in terms of wanting to bring up your grades and to expand your education with field trips and in class discussions. If your dad thinks you just want to go to public school to have lots of friends and do fun things–even though this is a perfectly legitimate wish–he’ll be less likely to sign the paper. While I know that many homeschooled students do excellent work and have many social opportunities for extra curricular stuff, a question in my own mind would be to what extent homeschooled students are exposed to different points of view? To wonderful teachers and not so wonderful? To fair practices and not-so-fair? In other words, to the real world, so that when they go out into the job market, they know better how to get along with those of different beliefs, work ethics, and all the rest that make up humanity. But this may not be a good argument to use for your dad, because it’s possible you are in home schooling to shield you from other points of view. I just don’t know. I would also suggest that you put your feelings and your reasons in a letter to your dad and leave it on his pillow. I get the feeling from your email that he may be a man who makes quick decisions, and this would give him a chance to think about it before he issues a quick “no.” Later, when he discusses this with you, which I hope he will do, listen carefully to his own reasons so that you are really communicating with each other. Regarding the scary thoughts: keep turning a scary scene into something funny. You know how you get rid of a tune that plays over and over in your head by substituting another song? The same should work here.

Posted on: May 18, 2009

Can’t You Write Books Until You Die?

Question:

Why do you have to end the series at book 28? why can’t you write the books until you die??? or at least keep them going a little bit longer. PLEASE!!!!

Phyllis replied:

Uh…well, I could, if I knew just when that was going to be. But I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and be right in the middle of another Alice book, and then what? Much of the decision is regarding Alice’s age, not mine. In the last book she is 18. As I get about three books for every year of her life, but I only write one book per year, it would take me 56 years to bring her up to age 60, and I’m afraid I would be thoroughly sick of her by then. The last book will be a long one, and in each chapter she will jump ahead five years or so to the next big event in her life. I think this will be a neat way to bring the series to an end.

Posted on: May 18, 2009

Using a Tampon

Question:

I am having a big problem. I am leaving for camp in 37 days and by that time, I need to be able to use a tampon. I am so close to being able to use it. I get it in every single time no problem. But I never seem to get it in far enough because I can still feel it inside of me. What do I do? I have asked my mom, who says it can be done single handed. But I have to do it with two. Is that where the problem is? The clock is ticking because I don’t want to have to use pads when I am at camp but I just can’t master tampons. Help please! By the way, Alice is the best!

Phyllis replied:

It’s always tricky trying to use a tampon for the first time. I wouldn’t think that one hand or two would make any difference. I hope you’re using a junior size until you get the hang of it. Tampons are always easier to insert if you are menstruating heavily, because it makes the inside of your vagina slippery. Trying to practice when you aren’t having your period can be a little difficult. Try using a junior size and smearing vaseline over the end that you insert and along the sides. Then, when it is in, push it as far as it will go. Don’t worry; it won’t get lost in there, and you can always pull it out by the string. Some girls say they can still feel the tampon slightly even when it’s all the way in, and this is a possibility, but I imagine that with enough practice and some lubrication, you’ll be able to use a tampon. And if not, I don’t think you’ll be the only girl who has to wear a pad. Many girls have heavy periods and need both a tampon and a pad. Just joke about it. Other girls will understand.

Posted on: May 16, 2009

I am Never Going to Have a Boyfriend

Question:

I am worried I don’t want one now I’m only 11 but what what if my parents never let me have a BF. If the topic ever comes up my dad says I am never going to have a boyfriend. They say I cant wear make up until I am sixteen! I am going to be the only person who doesn’t have a bf and doesn’t wear makeup! I freak out because I know that in 7th grade everyone will wear make up and start going out! I think it’s ridiculous when 11 year olds arlready go on dates and wear make up but when I hit seventh grade I am going to be a tptal losere what should I do!

Phyllis replied:

Take a deep breath and drink some water. Your dad is either teasing or he is living on Planet X. Whatever, somehow you are pushing his button, and your parents feel pressured right now to come down hard and heavy with rules. I am personally against setting a certain age for being granted a particular freedom, and would prefer for parents to base this on the situation and maturity of their son or daughter. But I’m not your parent, so somehow you have to get along with the ones you have. I’m a big believer in starting out by inviting small groups of friends to your home, beginning with girlfriends and eventually including a few boys. When your parents see that the people they possibly imagine as wild can really be decent kids, and when they see how others your age dress, fix their hair, wear makeup, etc., they will probably be far more willing to relax their own rules. But don’t keep pushing them into a corner where they feel they have to say no. It’s a lot harder to say yes after five no’s than it is if those no’s happened a few years ago. P.S. Not everyone in seventh grade will be wearing makeup and going out with boyfriends. Count on it.

Posted on: May 16, 2009

But What About Me?

Question:

hi p..omg im ur biggest fun. anyways i have been haveing a problem w/ my bff. so im not really the friendly type i mean im nice n stuff but at the same tym im shy. i dont talk 2 ppl a lot. except 4 my bff.. we r really close n she’s a gud frnd. but lately its been kinda hard on me. A LOT. she lyks this boy which is fine w/ me, so she kinda started hanging out w/ him n his friends. i didnt say anything cuz i no she jsst wants to b around him. so i understand. but now it getting worse. the last time we sat togther on the bus waz lyk b4 xmas break. she doesnt even no i exist when she around them. i tried to b in their lil circle but it didnt work out. they r so not my type. i understand that she wants 2 b w/ her crush but wat bout me??? for spring break we did not even spend a day together. she knows how i feel bout “them”. but she’s still choosing them over me. i know that she would not do that. i just dont know what to do because she’s not the kind of friend who does that. n im not gonna make her choose btween them n me. but i just want a friend…u no…..so can u plzz help me…

Phyllis replied:

I’m really sorry. But this is an old story–two girlfriends are really close, and then a guy comes along…. Right now her world revolves around her boyfriend and his friends. This is all new and exciting to her, and she needs the freedom to be with him and explore this, even if it turns out not to be right for her. It’s the same way with a group of twenty-somethings after one of them gets married. Interests change, babies come along, and friends who used to be very close have different problems and goals. Please don’t mope about the sidelines and try to get her back. Use this as a prompt for you to start expanding your own horizons, not necessarily with a guy, but in any way that you can spend some free time on yourself or others close to you: is there anything you would have liked to be doing in the past year that you haven’t found time for? Learning a new language, a musical instrument, joining a sports team, taking voice lessons, getting involved in community theater, getting a new haircut, volunteer work? This is “makeover” time for yourself, so that when your bff does come back to you, she won’t find the same-old, but someone who is taking off in new directions. Don’t be surprised if you make connections with another girl who turns out to be still another bff.

Posted on: May 15, 2009

Are you going to continue “Note from Phyllis”?

Question:

Are you going to continue doing the “note from phyllis?” That was one of the best parts of the site!! Thanks! ALICE ROCKS!!

Phyllis replied:

To be honest, I’m just getting familiar with this new website. I’ve been frantically busy finishing two manuscripts, and when I was told I could finally start posting my replies myself, instead of sending them to the website and waiting till they found time to do it, I had to learn the steps of the new procedure. I still have to learn how to get into my blog, post photos, answer comments, which seem to be in a different section than this fan mail page, and whether or not there’s a place for a “Note from Phyllis.” I’ll get to this soon, I promise. I’m speaking at the Maryland Library Association’s Conference in Ocean City tomorrow, and then I have a trip to New York. When I can catch my breath, this website will get my full attention.

Posted on: May 13, 2009

I want to get over this so bad!

Question:

Hi. I really love your Alice books. They’re the best ever! Anyway, you obviously know lots of everything, so I was wondering if you could help me with something. I’m fourteen now, and I’ve never really had nightmares or anything, but lately I’ve been just scared all over the place and on overdrive. Like, I’ve watched dozens of horror movies over the years, but none recently, I’ve made sure. And I mean, I thought that was the way to stop freaking out and to not have nightmares, but the past few months now I can’t even go into the house’s basement without seeing Mike Myers from Halloween. I can’t go into the dining room without making sure the back door is locked, because I’m afraid a killer or someone will burst through it. If it’s evening and I see the front door is unlocked, my heart starts beating really fast when I go to close it. Sometimes I can’t sleep at the edge of my bed, because I’m afraid someone will break in the window. Writing this right now, I’m feeling really scared. I mean… I’m really just worried. I want to get over it so bad. I can’t even look at a doll without thinking Chucky, or something else horrible. What do you think? I want to get over this so bad!

Phyllis replied:

I’m trying to think of something that might help here. You said that it used to be that horror movies didn’t bother you, and you haven’t watched any recently, but that “lately” you’re scaring yourself silly. Can you think back to when these “lately” ones first began? Can you connect it to anything at all? First thought that comes to mind? If making the connection to something doesn’t solve it–not to get too psychological here–is it at all possible you are feeling guilty about something and this is the way you’re punishing yourself–by thinking up all the scary things that could happen to you? I could also ask “why are you so intent on scaring yourself?” Whatever, try getting control of your imagination this way. Start out by imagining Chuckie-what’s-his-name crawling through the window. And just as his foot touches the floor, he slips on a skate board, flies across the room, turns upside down, and the skateboard hits him on top of the head. Whereupon you stand over him and order him out of the room and he can’t wait to leave. Do this over and over, the creepiest scenes you can imagine, and turn them into a ridiculous comedy. It’s worth a try.

Posted on: May 12, 2009

WHEN WILL THE EXCERPT BE AVAILABLE???

Question:

i’ve been waiting a long time to read the excerp from Intensly Alice. when will it be ready?

Phyllis replied:

It’s here! From the home page of this website, click on “Books in order.” Go the bottom of the list and find “Intensely Alice.” Under that you will find “Read excerpt.” Click, and enjoy the first chapter.

Posted on: May 11, 2009