Alice Blog

Question;

I began reading your Alice series in 3rd grade, and the first one I ever read was The Agony of Alice and completely fell in love. I wasn’t even sure what getting your period was when I first read it! But then when 5th grade came around I definitely knew what it was….Anyway, I am now in 8th grade, and of course dating…kissing…all that is happening. I have many people who are my friends, but there are two people who are my truest friends. We can call one of them, Carrey, well Carrey and I have known each other since first grade. We met each other at a summer camp and hit it off completely. And then she attended my elementary and we were on and off friends until 5th grade and became best friends and it’s been that way since. Now, the other one we can call Mark, Mark and I met more than a year ago and became friends. There was even a time where he had more than friend feelings for me and maybe they were some what mutual. But we never acted on it, and then we became best friends. He of course became friends with all my other friends as well, including Carrey but him and I were always closer than anyone else. Now this school year, Kelly tells me she likes Mark. I am not surprised because Carrey likes everyone. But then three weeks later Mark calls me telling me he’s developing feelings for Carrey and finds out she likes him as well. But yet Mark likes another girl, whom he had already dated, more than he likes Carrey. But then Mark and I were sitting in wood shop together and he says, “I asked Carrey out before school today.” Mark had already told me he wasn’t going to ask Carrey out, so I was shocked. I hadn’t spoken to Carrey yet that day, so I didn’t know if what he was saying was true or not. “Yeah right” was my response but then our friend who we can call Mike said, “he’s serious, I saw the whole thing.” My heart plummeted. I hadn’t wanted them to date because I knew how different they were and how after they broke up, I’d be forced to choose sides, and I already knew who I’d pick. Maybe I over reacted, but I started to cry. It was completely embarrassing, it was right in wood shop in front of my classmates, but I couldn’t help the quiver in my lip. I told Mark to get away from me and that I didn’t want to talk to him. But then he said, “no don’t cry! I was kidding, nothing like that happened. I’m sorry.” I didn’t believe him and then Mike said, “I was just playing around to, nothing happened.” And I spoke to Carrey later who said she hadn’t spoken to him all day. But….how can I accept this?? I hate listening to her talk about him, and I know soon enough I’ll begin to feel like a third wheel.

Phyllis replied:

When guys and girls first begin to date, there’s a lot more talk than there is action.  And the couple doesn’t just talk to each other.  They talk to their friends, and they try out ideas in words.  Who is dating whom, who likes whom, who likes him back, on and on and on…  Feelings are perpetually hurt and people get their hopes up….  It’s a difficult time, and all I can really tell you is that we’ve all been through it.  Emotions are so very close to the surface, and it’s possible that part of the reason you were crying is that you probably still have feelings for Mark yourself.  You hear all this talk about his liking other girls, and you are beginning to feel left out.  Perhaps he is testing you to see if you still like him.  I  hope you will just take a deep breath and see what happens in real life, despite all the talk.  Things get easier, and a bit more private, as people start feeling more sure of themselves.

It was just something they started when she was small, each trying to outdo each other with how much love they had to give.  One would say, “I love you rivers,” and the other would say, looking for something bigger, “I love you oceans.”   They probably began with creeks and streams!

It’s always scary and confusing when we find out something about our parents that we didn’t expect.  We need to remember, however, that each of us has private thoughts we would never share with anyone else.  Each of us has dreams, sometimes, that shock us.  Or we have sexual fantasies that excite us, but we would never want to repeat in real life.  For some people, even happily married people, looking at pornography together adds a certain oomph to their sex life, especially among older men who may need more stimulation.  One of the problems with pornography, however, is that it often demeans women, and photographs them in positions that men themselves would not want to be photographed in.  Also, it keeps upping the level of excitement necessary for pleasure, that would be difficult to replicate in real life.  The fact that your dad does it in private probably means that he has reservations about it too.  I would be more concerned with his contacting dating websites.  If this continues to haunt you, I would not approach your mom.  I would speak to your dad in private, simply by telling him how you came upon the information, that it frightens you because you wonder about the marriage, and ask his reassurance that things are OK between him and your mom.  You are not asking him to stop, you are not preaching at him, you are simply voicing your concerns about the stability of your family, but beyond that, whatever he does in private is really his business.

Question:
I would just like to start out by saying how amazing the Alice books are. Alice is someone that every girl can relate to; she has many of the same insecurities we do. I started reading your books when I was around 10, and I still love them. I’ve gotten both my mom and my 17-year old MALE cousin hooked. It is evident that you put hours upon hours of thought into each book, and I, as well of hundreds of other readers, will always love Alice. Please don’t stop writing the Alice books. Maybe other readers wouldn’t find it interesting for Alice to become an adult, but I think you could find some way of making it interesting. (Here are some ideas: “Alice at the Gas Pump”, “Over-The-Hill Alice”, and “Alice in Retirement, Sort-Of”) Thank you for all of the laughs, the tears (Mark’s death hit me hard), and the insight the Alice books have brought to my life.

Phyllis replied;

Thanks so much for your email.   The very last book in the series will deal with Alice in adulthood, from ages 18 to 60.  It’s already at the publisher’s, and will come out in 2013.

Hi, guys:  I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted your emails, but I’ve been typing almost 12 hours a day to make the deadline for the next Alice book.  The editor asked for a number of revisions and additions, the usual process, but I just this morning have it in shape and can turn my attention to other things, namely you.  There are 109 messages waiting, and many of them don’t want to be made public, so I will post only those that are willing to appear on the screen.  I’ll get to a few at a time, between tending to other business on my desk, but hope to answer them all by the end of the week.   Phyllis

Question:

I just started grade an it was pretty cool all my teachers are nice anyway my ex boyfriend goes to my school and sometimes he would be nice and other times he wouldn’t . And I don’t know  if he still likes me and his best friend keeps on saying that he does but i dont believe it i just want to dropp all the drama any advice for a girl who is clueless??

Phyllis replied:

Why don’t you just drop the ex-boyfriend and concentrate on new friends, and a new school year? 

I have been reading you’re alice books for along time, and I really enjoy them. So I am thirteen and in the 8th grade and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I am not a vain person but I am not one to protest the fact that I am pretty. And I have this guy friend who we can call Danny and my friends and I have always agreed that Danny is cute. So I was hanging out with a lot of people after school and I was talking to Danny while are friend was like three ft way. He said he had to leave and then he caught my eye and said, “can I have a goodbye kiss?” My heart began to pound and I almost leaned in for it but then at the last second I turned away and laughed it off. And then our friend we can call Tyler came up and said, “whoa did you two just kiss?” And I was like.. “uhh no..” and then it was very awkward. Later he kept hugging me and touching me and all this stuff and he even told my best friend that he likes me. And then he called me that night saying he wanted to hangout the next day and I obliged. It was Danny, me, and our other friend who we can call Brad. Now all Danny could talk about was getting his goodbye kiss, and I said maybe you will get it, and I meant it. But there were three of us. And odd number so we weren’t about to make out in front of Brad. So then we were at a park and we were hanging out up really high in this play structure and Danny had his head on my shoulder was basically on top of me and Brad was kind of off to the side. And then Brad’s dad called him saying he was out in the parking lot and that he needed to come get money from him. So brad went down the slide and left Danny and I in this secluded corner of the slide. He sat up straighter so he could be level with me and then it was so incredibly awkward that I decided to call Brad to ask what he was doing because at the time I had no idea why he had suddenly left. And then while I was on the phone with him Danny took the phone from me and hung up on Brad. But the kiss didn’t happen. Was it my fault? I have no idea. And then Danny said he’d walk me home, and he did, all the way to my driveway. And on the way he kept saying “can I have the kiss now?” And when I’d only laugh, five minutes later he’d say, “how about now?” But I wasn’t about to stop in the middle of the street and just kiss him. I wanted HIM to kiss ME. I didn’t want him to make it awkward and ASK, I just wanted it to happen. And then he texted me over and over asking why I didn’t kiss him and I explained that I didn’t want him to ask. And he asked me to hangout again today so my friend and I went to me up with him and Tyler. And Tyler kept saying, “Danny’s gonna kiss you, he’s gonna kiss you!” And Danny insisted on walking me home again and so the two of them did. So when we got to my house we were on my driveway and Tyler had kind of slipped away but he was still in sight and Danny had his arm around me and his face was inches from mine…….but nothing happened. Why am I so awkward?? I know Alice got her first kiss from Patrick in the 6th grade and I know she was nervous but she DID It. How come I cannot?? Any tips or advice?

Phyllis replied:

I don’t know why, but I hope that all girls longing for their first kiss will read your email.   Very few girls remember their first kiss as being especially romantic.  Usually it’s a mixture of excitement and embarrassment.  Your reluctance to kiss Danny reminds me of my long-ago shyness in kissing my boyfriend.  He’d kissed me many times, but he kept asking me to initiate a kiss myself, and for weeks I tried to get up the nerve.  Yep, I was in eighth grade–I think he was a grade ahead of me.  Finally, we were walking across a field one night, my heart pounding, and finally I just grabbed his arm, reached up and gave him a quick kiss, then turned and ran all the way home.  And the first time a boy kissed me, it too was a quick kiss and then, ZAP! He was gone.  Trust me, it gets easier, more comfortable, more romantic, more everything.  And it really doesn’t hurt to wait.  The more mature you are, the more natural it will seem.