Any Advice?

Question:

So I know you get this all the time, but I’d like to give you a huge thanks for your FANTABULOUS Alice books.  The series has been a favorite of mine for years now and has also given me inspiration for my own aspiring writings.  But besides that, I have a weirdish question that I hope you’d maybe be able to help me with ….. so I’m a girl – 13 – and I’ve always pretty much assumed I’m straight, but for a while now I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m bi.  I’m feeling very confused by the whole thing, because while I’ve generally liked boys in the past, lately I’ve started having crushes on several different girlfriends of mine, in addition to random girls I don’t know that well.  And sometimes, boys who I’ve thought are “hot” before suddenly seem repulsive in comparison to some of my girlfriends.  I’m weirded out, ’cause I’ve never questioned my sexuality before, and now I find myself really attracted to girls – it’s like, whoa, BOOBS!  Hahaha.  But no, seriously, I’m really confused, and while my parents are very supportive and have always told me they don’t care about my sexuality, I still feel uncomfortable bringing it up.  Do you have any advice?

Phyllis replied:

It is so easy for me to say, just give yourself time and your sexuality will become more clear to you, but I understand how we like to know things about ourselves NOW.  It’s possible you are heterosexual and that your sexual feelings are channeled to girls right now because it feels safer somehow fantasizing about girls rather than boys.  When hormones make themselves known, all sorts of things and situations can seem sexually-oriented.  It’s possible that you’re bi-sexual, and that, given the right circumstances, you can feel sexually attracted to both girls and guys.  It’s possible you’re gay, and that you will find that you lose sexual interest in guys and it’s girls that turn you on.  Remember that I am not a doctor or a psychologist, just an enlightened grandmother who is speaking off the top of her head.  Remember too that many people will talk about sexual things to the right person or crowd; some people will tell their friends about their sexual dreams, but most people keep their sexual fantasies private, and there may be many others out there who feel the same way you do.  Try to accept your feelings, whatever they are, because things are easier to deal with when they’re not denied.  You are very lucky to have supportive parents who love you for who you are.