Your Questions Answered

Stop Watching the Show?

Question:

 

i have a problem. i watch this show alot called degrassi. maybe youve heard of it maybe u havent. anyway it is a really good show but it discuses sex quite a bit and even though im very mature about that for my age (11) i dont know if i would be allowed to watch it. its rated pg and im allowed to watch pg shows and movies. some pg13 ones to but i still dont know. degrassi is sorta like a teen soap opera since it is all about dating and stuff. butt still. one of the characters had a baby when she was 13 and then in the show when shes 16 shes taking care of her three year old daughter and focusing on her schoolwork. my parents dont know that i watch because im afraid that if i tell them theyll say im not allowed to wach it. what should i o? should i stop watching the show? should i tell my parents and hope they say yes? or should i keep on watching it secretly? please help.

Phyllis replied:

 

I’m wondering what it is you’re trying to tell me.  You say that you are allowed to watch PG movies and that you are mature about sex for an eleven year old, so I wonder what is making you uneasy.  I don’t know the program you mention, but it sounds as though they are trying to show a teenager who made a mistake at 13, and is now trying to straighten out her life, get an education, and raise a daughter at the same time.  Somehow I don’t think you feel that this story is going to make you want to get pregnant at 13 too.  And I’m sure you know that some girls do have sexual intercourse at an early age, and that some of them get pregnant, so that’s not news.  Is it possible that the program is realistic enough to show that teens do experience intense sexual feelings, and does this possibly arouse some feelings in you?  Perfectly natural.  A lot of things in our environment these days are sexually suggestive.  If there was something about sex in the program that you didn’t understand, you might want to ask your parents about it.  Simply tell them you’re watching a program about a 13 year old girl who made a mistake and is trying to do the best she can, but your question is………?

Something else to consider:  in those in-between years, between childhood and teenager, people start the scary business of slowly developing a more personal life and becoming more independent.  When  you were younger, you may have shared everything with your mom or dad–every thought, every feeling, anything at all you felt guilty about.  But slowly you begin to want to keep some things to yourself–boy interest, doubts about your body, arguments with teachers,  sexual feelings….  You may be wrestling with just how much of this program you want to share with your parents and which to keep to yourself.

Religious Views

 

Question:

Hi Mrs. Naylor. I loved your books. I just finished intensely alice. It was funny when she was in the plane and embarrassed that man so he would leave her alone. 
It was sad when ___ passed away. I almost cried. But I did cry when patrick went up and started talking. Also when alice wondered how ___ felt when everything was happening. If he knew he would die. She hoped the music was up real loud. 
 
Throughout the series, you mentioned elizabeth being catholic. I am catholic just like her. I think it’s great you mentioned this particular religion. Most people think of catholics as super religious freaks and it hurts when people say that to me. You didn’t make elizabeth a religious freak at all. Thank you. Maybe people will understand the catholic religion and won’t put a label on those who are catholic. 
 
You had lots of religious veiws in your books. Not just catholic. You write how a lot of the characters feel about God. I think that’s so great. 
 
What made you want to put different religious veiws in your books? 
 

Phyllis replied:

 

I think that whether young people talk about it or not, many have a lot of religious or spiritual questions.  Most people, perhaps, remain in whatever religion they were brought up in, and never get too familiar with those who have different beliefs.  Often they have weird ideas about another religion.  But I think that Baptists and Unitarians and Jews and Mormons and Muslims would tell you that people have strange ideas about their religions as well.  And because I’m trying to present a “whole” girl in the Alice series–not necessarily a typical girl or an all-American girl, but a real character–it seems to me that it would be a very real part of her life.  I’m glad you like the books.

Did I Make the Right Choice?

Question:

 jst gotta say that i love ur  books they r beyond beyond uhh-mazing lol well i need ur adivce on sumthing well here the story. ok my best friend “J” and me use to hang out like all the time with my other friend “A”

“I Like Him, He Likes Her”

Question:

I saw this title on your website for the Alice McKinley books. Is this a new Alice book?

Phyllis replied:

 

Oh, man.  I didn’t know they’d posted that already.  The book isn’t even out, and I don’t know when it will be–sometime this year, though.   But for all you collectors out there who want the whole Alice series, the publisher is planning to do paperback “bind-ups” of three Alice books at a time.  They are starting with Alice in ninth grade, and the three books, under the title “I Like Him, He Likes Her,” are “Alice Alone,” “Patiently Alice,” and “Simply Alice.”  They plan to do her sophomore year at some point, then her junior year, then her senior year.  I don’t know what they will title these books.  I don’t know if they will go backwards at some point, and do all the eighth grade books and the seventh grade books, etc.  All I know right now is that a huge manuscript is sitting on my dining room table waiting for me to check the copy in this humongous thing.  But I do like the title, and the cover is great.

Why?

Question:

 i love your alice books the last alice book i read was really really sad at the end and i have to ask you something….. why did you have to make —— die!!!!! come on!!! its soooo sad!!!
alice, pam, and liz are really sad!!! i hate that!! but yeah!! so i hope you write back!!

Phyllis replied:

 

Because that’s life.  Not everything goes all right all the time, and sometimes really awful things happen.  Alice wouldn’t be real if she never had to face tragedy, would she?

And Now She’s 17!

Please Never Stop

Question:

 

Hi my name is Andy. I’m a 6th grader and i could not live without Alice she has gotten me through SO many difficult scenarios please never stop writing that particular series.

Phyllis replied:

I’m really happy to know that the series has helped so much.  But all good things must end SOME time.  You still have many more Alice books to go, however.

How Do I Get Support from my Parents?

Question: Hello Phyllis. I know this is a late holiday greeting, but I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Years and I hope you enjoy 2010. I’m sorry to greet you with something not so happy, but here it goes. Bipolar disorder runs in my family: my dad has it (he has not been diagnosed, but it’s very clear he has it), his mom (my grandma) has it and is being treated, as well as her mom (my great-grandma). I believe I have it too. I’ll go into extreme lows to the point of suicidal thoughts (I’ve attempted suicide before) and sometimes I’ll feel so happy to the point where it’s almost unnatural. I’ve had a hard time keeping stabalized relationships…with my last boyfriend, I would be completely in love with him, and then something little would happen and completely set me off and I’d hate him for it, even if it was the littlest thing. I’ve had a hard time focusing in school…my brain just wonders off because I’ll get so depressed that I can’t even tune into what the teacher is teaching even if I try. I literally sat in my 2nd period the other day just thinking about how badly I wanted to die and how much I disliked life…but then by lunch I was practically bouncing off the walls. I want and need to get medical treatment, but the problem is my parents. My mom says I wouldn’t be so depressed if I exercised more…which is unhelpful considering I go to the gym at least 4 times a week. My dad says that anti-depressants and mental treatment are for people who are too stupid to do anything about their health themselves. He gives his mom a hard time a lot for taking medication due to her Bipolar disorder. My symptoms only grow worse and I really want to get treated, but I really don’t know how to tell my parents seeing as they are very unsympathetic and heartless to people with mental issues. (I believe my dad has bipolar himself but he won’t admit it). It’s really affecting my life, my grades, my relationships, and I don’t know what to do. I wish I could be more open with my parents, but I don’t know how to get the support from my parents.

Phyllis replied:

 

You do need support and help, and if you aren’t getting it from your parents, you need to seek it from another adult.  Please go to your school counselor or nurse or principal and tell them what you have told me.  You are wise beyond your years to recognize that you have symptoms that need diagnosis and treatment, and it is so foolish to try to deal with this alone, when there are many medicines and treatments that could help.  It is not a sign of weakness or stupidity to get help from a professional, but it is a sign of stubborness and ignorance too to say that people with these symptoms should solve it themselves.  If you find yourself feeling suicidal and have not yet found someone to confide in who can help, here are three numbers to call for practical suggestions for receiving help:  Boys (and girls) Town:  1-800-448-3000; Childhelp USA — 1-800-422-4453; and Suicide Prevention 1-800-273-8255.  The phone call is free and so is the advice.  You are a brave person to try to help yourself without the support of your parents.

Performing in Public

 

Question:

I am a 13,and I’m a violinist and I’ve finished my diploma(the highest level in violin grades).And I want to perform more in public.But where do I and how do I perform in public??
 
Phyllis replied:

 

Your question is puzzling to me.  Is it possible that you live far out in the country and have been home-schooled in the violin?  If not, what does your teacher say about this?  Why are you not performing in your teacher’s pupils’ concerts?  Why are you not in the orchestra at school?  Why are you not playing in community orchestras, subscribing to music magazines which might tell you of contests you could enter?  This isn’t adding up, somehow.   Do you do all of these things but still feel that you aren’t getting enough chances to perform solo?   If winning contests and playing first violin aren’t your goal, you just want to play more in public for enjoyment, offer to play during a service at your church or house of worship.  Play for your grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary party.  Organize a little chamber music group and practice a few pieces until you are good enough to play for small gatherings.  Be willing to start small and work your way up.

How Not to be Nervous?