Your Questions Answered

Please Help!!!

Question:

i was sorta hoping that maybe you could help me. i dont wanna sound like everyone else, but we all use you like we would our school consolers and stuff. you do give good advice though. i can’t talk to my best friend about this, bc she doesnt know either.
ok so I have a best friend, and we just became like bff’s this summer when our families spent all our time together. well, ever since school started again, things havent been going well with her other “friends.” their always mean to me, and of course they are always mean to my friend. one friend of hers, i was trying to be nice. i liked her at first, but she got really annoying. she always butted in my conversation about the guy i like (who happens to go to another school) with my bff. (we both know him) but she was trying to say all this stuff about him that i didnt really like. once she punched me in the stomach! i have no idea why! my bff yelled at her, and she just kept doing it. like poking me in the lunch line. my friend is getting annoyed with her too. please help!!!
thanks so much for everything!

Phyllis replied:

 

The number one problem girls write to me about is friends switching loyalties, being jealous, having new best friends, saying bad things about them.  I wonder sometimes if these close relationships between girls at a certain age are sort of dress rehearsals for close friendships with guys later on–the jealousy, the hurt, the gossip, the heartbreak.  Since you and your bff became close this past summer, and trouble started with the other girls once school began, it seems that they resent your closeness, perhaps your exclusiveness.  Sometimes the best way to handle a thoughtless action or a mean remark is simply to ask why.  “What made you do that?”  “Why did you say that?”  “Why have you been acting the way you are?”  It may not get a response, but it might start the person thinking more about why she is saying or acting the way she is.

Did Someone Die?

What’s Masturbation?

Question:

I’m so glad you have a blog because I have so many questions.
I was just wondering what masturbation was. My friends and I have heard about it
but we aren’t sure what it is.

Phyllis replied:

It’s the way males and females get sexual relief and satisfaction by stimulating themselves.

Drifting Apart

Phyllis replied:

There seems to be part of the story missing here:  she formed a plan to get revenge for what?   I can understanding missing the friend she once was to you, and perhaps part of her anger is her knowledge that you don’t approve of her new friend.  Whatever, to renew your friendship with her or/and to understand her, you need to figure out what’s eating her, and what your part might play in all this.

I Feel Threatened

 Question:

 Hi! I have one of my best friends whose been one of my bffs since kindergarten. all the sudden she’s acting like she needs the mooost attention in the world, and she acts like she’s all that. last year, i told her i wanted to be an actress, and that i was doing all i could to achieve that goal, and hours later, she suddenly says” i want to be an actress to” and it was really annoying because i was the one who wanted to be an actress. i can’t help but feel threatened! Please help! and when i’m with her but were also with her GT friends(the higher level in a grade)

she doesn’t even pay attention to me…

Phyllis replied:

 

Pul-ease!  She wants to be an actress because you want to be an actress and you feel threatened?  You should feel flattered!   What difference does it make?  The girl who is going to become an actress is the one who puts in the huge amount of time and effort it takes to learn the craft, to audition for every possible show, to start her resume, to enroll in classes, not the girl who thinks she would like to be an actress because her friend wants to be one.  Concentrate on what’s real.

Love the Characters and Situations

Question: 

I am a young writer and I found the Alice series just 2 weeks ago and I an now hooked! I love the characters and the situations they go through. I am only 13 but I can relate to alot that goes on in your books. As I read the Alice books, I laugh when they laugh and I feel their heartache and pain when something terrible happens. Alice is amazing and I think every girl in her teens should read this series! I love how Alice tries to break free and be her true self!! After I finish an Alice book I feel like I am in a happy bubble and I want more Alice. Thank you so much for the inspiration in your books! I love this series because of the truth in it!

Phyllis replied:

Thanks so much for letting me know how much you like the books.  It’s always fun to hear from a new reader.

 

Do People Recognize You?

Books in Order

Question:

I am thirteen and a great fan of your “Alice” series.  i really like them.  when i have nothing to look forward to, i always know that there is an “Alice” book lying in my backpack waiting to be read.  So anyways, i hope that you keep writing them.  I am glad that Patrick and Alice are back together.  I was waiting for that since “Alice Alone”!  Whenever I read books, it revolvs in ront of my evey like a movie.  i have espically starting reading a lot more than i used to since i started on your alice series.  those books have just some awesome plot lines.  sometimes, i cant resist to look at the story, so i just read the end a little bit.  then i feel that i shouldnt have so i would stay in the suspence.  but i still do that, sometimes anyways.  is intensely alice after almost alice? and alice in charge after intensely alice?  oh, there is just so much story to look forward to in your alice books.  i thought that almost alice was the last one, so i was like, OH MY GOSH!!!!! Then i found out that it wasnt, so i was relieved.  whenever i finish a series, i feel like there should have been more books.  i am aware that you get about millions of these email everyday…. but i would really like for you to respond to me… and would you be so kind to please send me a list of all of the “Alice” books starting from Intensely Alice and so on???? Oh, I would really like it if you would send me the list…. not just the ones that came out, but the other titles that you are also planning to write, or already writing.  any alice books, in order, that you will write after intensely alice.  you see, i really cant find all of the books accurately even on the internet.  so i would be pleased if the wonderful author herself wrote/told me the books.  there is so much more i could write about but my mom is calling me to dinner. i really hope that u respond to my email…

Phyllis replied:

 Please look at the top of the home page on the Alice website and you will see “Books in Order.”  Click on that, and it will list all the Alice books to date.

Ignorant When It comes to Being Social

Question:

 
I’ve written to you multiple times before. Most of those times, you gave me the absolute best advice I could have asked for and wouldn’t have found anywhere else. This is the reason why I’ve chosen to seek out your advice yet another time on yet another issue that has recently come into existence in my life. This year has been my first year in the public school system–as well as the first year I’ve ever been so utterly exposed to a social environment–and to make a long story short, I hate it. Well, hate’s a strong word, and I don’t want to be spoiled and whine because the experience hasn’t been everything I’d wanted it to be. But it’s definitely strainful on myself, thanks to some key events and facts: first of which is I’m completely ignorant when it comes to being social, and while everyone else around me is talking in class or getting praise from the teachers, I’m sitting in the back of the room feeling awkward and embarrassed and more self-conscious than I ever have in my life. And then there’s the thing where I used to have a friend who I thought was my best friend–she was new just like me, and we became friends the first day of school and so continued for two more months, but then she was absent for about two weeks, and then as soon as she came back? It wasn’t just that we weren’t friends anymore, but she acted and currently acts like we never were. She completely ignores me~~doesn’t even say hi~~and it’s just deeply painful to me because I feel like she was just decieving me and pretending to be my friend until someone else came along… not once during our friendship did she ever suggest we hang out, and whenever I suggested we go to a school dance together, she always said they were lame or boring or something else, yet just today I heard her making plans to go with her new friend! The whole situation with her frustrates me to the very core to say the least, but add that to the fact that I myself am not exactly socially blooming, routinely feel like an idiot and so act like one (at least in my opinion) by way of not coming across clearly to my teachers, and well… I’ve just been feeling very depressed. A frequent thought I have nowadays is along the lines of “You know, I wouldn’t mind dying”. I’m not so depressed to the point of wanting to die, but at the end of everyday I feel so bad emotionally that I honestly feel that I wouldn’t mind if it decided to happen… I know I sound like an idiot who’s completely self-absorbed and blowing her life up to sound way worse than it actually is, but for me it’s hard not to be so focused on myself, because I am myself and am actually going through this, if that makes sense. You’re probably falling asleep reading this, I’ve written so much, but I’d still like to add one more thing. When people ask for advice on forging friendships, the advice-giver often suggests they just let their personality shine and to “be yourself”. But to be honest, I’m in middle school, Mrs. Naylor, and while I’m supposed to be just finding myself, I’ve actually never felt so lost before in my life. I’d really appreciate it if you wrote back. Thanks.

Phyllis replied:

 

I’m going to guess that you’ve been home-schooled without much contact with other people your age.  I can understand your feelings, because even students who have grown up going to public schools often feel idiotic and completely out of the loop when they start a new class or a new school.  It’s possible that the girl you thought you were friends with sensed your isolation and wasn’t sure enough of herself and her own abilities to stick the friendship out, wanting instead to hang out with kids who were more self-assured.  I have given this advice often, but it’s the best I can offer and it usually works:  quit trying to “make friends” and concentrate on joining groups that have a purpose other than socializing:  the school newspaper, the drama club, a sports team, an art project, a book club, a science competition–anything at all that throws you in with a group of people who meet regularly, whose purpose is something you can get your hands on and your mind around.  This way you can make friends naturally.   The focus is on something else, and you’ll have plenty of chances, by trial and error, to learn the fine points of being more social.

How Do You Start Becoming a Writer?

Question:

firstly I love your Alice series they are so life like when I read some of her embarrassing moments I think hey! that happened to me which is cool to be able to relate to the books… your books have really helped me figure who I really am because at home my mum doesn’t really talk to me about growing up stuff she gets embarrassed and says when your older you will find out but reading your books has helped me learn that it’s natural to feel what I’m going through. But also as many other people have said I want to become a writer I’ve written two books but I haven’t got them published or anything but I was wondering how you start becoming a writer and how you get books published…

Phyllis replied:

 

Please get a copy of my paperback, “How I Came to be a Writer.”  If your library doesn’t have it, ask them to get it on inter-library loan.  It will describe the whole process to you and how I went about it.