Your Questions Answered

Hard to Choose

Question:

 

In September I have two things that I really want to go to. One is a trip with the school to historical black colleges, the other is my friends sweet sixteen. The trip is 4 days but one of the four days is the day of my friends sweet sixteen. I had to work very hard to get the opportunity to go on the trip, i had to write an essay and get two teachers to write recommendations. It is really hard for me to choose which one to go to. I brought this up with my therapist and it’s like she doesn’t understand. She’s like well are you interested in the colleges and all this other stuff and she makes it sound dumb to want to go. But there’s more to it then meets the eye but she makes me feel dumb and basically tells me to miss it and just go to my friend cause there’s no point in going on the trip. What do you think? And also how do I tell my therapist that it hurts to talk to her with a lot of things because she makes me feel dumb?   

Phyllis replied:

I’m not a therapist, but no therapist should make you feel dumb.  And no one can make this decision for you.  Did your friend know that you had planned this trip before she set the date for her party?  Would your not being there create a big hole in the festivities or is she probably going to have a good time regardless?   You’ll have to work this through yourself, but here’s another slant on it:  You could go on the trip to black colleges, because this is something that would be very difficult to plan on your own, and then treat your friend to a special event in honor of her 16th birthday some time after you get back, thus extending her celebration.   Sessions between a client and a counselor don’t work unless both feel comfortable, and you seem to be telling me that you aren’t comfortable with this person.  Perhaps it’s time to look for someone with whom you’re more compatible.   

Dangerously Alice is the Best!

Phyllis replied:

The Alice series has been incredibly fun to write.  And sad.  And exciting.  I’ve been very happy to be her “mom.”  

A New Series?

Question:

YOu are the best never stop writing. I was wondering if after you finish alice are you going to start a new series?

 

Phyllis replied:

 

I don’t know about a new series.  Series tie you down a lot, with editors and fans wanting the next one sooner and sooner, and there are so many other single books I want to do….

So why….?

Question:

hey phyllis i was the one e-mailing you about me being impatient about intensly alice but now
i finally have it and i think intensly alice is the saddest so far i mean —– was changing to become a different person and beginning a new life so why…..?

Phyllis replied:

Because this happens sometimes.  No rhyme or reason.  Sometimes the best or the young die first, and it makes us all sad and angry.  That’s why it’s so important to live every day as though it’s your last, although Alice tried to do that once, if I remember, to help her stop fighting with Lester so much, and it sort of didn’t work out.

Bugs Me So Much!!!!

 

 

Phyllis replied:

Is there anything you like about this girl?  Enough to stay friends with her?  Maybe you need a time to sit down with each other and make a list of the five things you most like about each other and the five things that bug you most, with the understanding that each of you will accept criticism without getting mad.  Good luck.  As I remember, Alice and her friends tried this once and it didn’t come off too well.  Your friend sounds pretty insecure to me.  A girl who is mostly interested in herself, wants all the attention, pretends to know things she doesn’t, and resents even helpful criticism, is usually a person with a poor image.   

What Will Happen Next?

 

 

Phyllis replied:

I’m sorry that I can’t tell you anything about the next Alice book because my editor hasn’t had a chance to read the manuscript yet.  She may want me to change a lot.  I just don’t know .

 

Do You Have to Have a Boyfriend?

 Question:

first off, i just wanted to say- THANK YOU for writing the alice books. i’ve read a lot of books from many different genres, and i don’t think any other book has such an impact on myself and others readers. i really enjoyed reading intensely alice-it’s the only book i’ve read that’s made me cry.
 
anyways, lately, i’ve been feeling  like crap, sort of the way alice was during the grade 8 prom. so my two friends whom i hang out with both have their significant others. it’s been going on for a couple of months now. it just feels really awkard to be like the fifth wheel, literally. they don’t try to exclude me when we do things , but in a way, they still do. sometimes it seems like the prioritize their boyfriends before friendships to. we’ve lost a friend that way, and i have a feeling it would happen again.
 
by no means am i jealous of them, and i am far from being desperate. although, sometimes i get the impression that you “must” have a boyfriend to fit in, to understand their inside jokes (of course i’m not stupid enough to get sucked into that).  i know if were meant to be, then i will wait until the person for me comes along…so i’ll leave it at that. it just irks me that things unfold the way they are… in your case, what would you do? thanks for reading my rant, i feel a lot better that it’s all come out at once.
 
Phyllis replied:

I understand.  About all I can tell you is that this is good preparation for life, because it happens, and keeps happening, no matter how old you become.  Friends whom you loved in high school correspond for a while and then you never hear from them again.  Couples who had a fantastic time doing things together when they were first married might move away or develop new friendships.  Groups with whom you felt wonderfully involved and accepted fall apart as people move, or die, or go in a different direction.  They say that mental health is the ability to adapt to change, and I found this very difficult recently when a writing critique group I have been a part of for 26 years finally stopped meeting.   It is very natural, when a girl gets a boyfriend, to put him first–yes, even before their best girlfriends.  Girls with boyfriends have things to talk about that they may not want to discuss with single friends, just so they won’t feel left out of the conversation.  To be truthful, I’m not a big believer in “things are meant to be.”  Things do happen in life which no one but an insane person would want to happen to anyone.  But going without a boyfriend for a while is not one of them, and I think that you will quite naturally find a guy you like, then possibly dislike, then another you like better, then another period of singlehood, then a serious relationship, etc. etc.  My standard advice to girls who are feeling left out is to use this time to be your own best friend.  When you’re not included in something, think of things you really enjoy and treat yourself.  Start a project, a hobby, join a club, a choir, a team, a class.  Learn to sew and make a terrific skirt.  Change your hair color.  I’m a big believer in joining things, or starting groups, that are built around your own interests–groups with guys in them, if possible.  It is so much easier to get attracted to someone and make conversation when you are doing something together.  And so often–presto!  Suddenly he’s more than a friend.

Any Advice?

Question:

So I know you get this all the time, but I’d like to give you a huge thanks for your FANTABULOUS Alice books.  The series has been a favorite of mine for years now and has also given me inspiration for my own aspiring writings.  But besides that, I have a weirdish question that I hope you’d maybe be able to help me with ….. so I’m a girl – 13 – and I’ve always pretty much assumed I’m straight, but for a while now I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m bi.  I’m feeling very confused by the whole thing, because while I’ve generally liked boys in the past, lately I’ve started having crushes on several different girlfriends of mine, in addition to random girls I don’t know that well.  And sometimes, boys who I’ve thought are “hot” before suddenly seem repulsive in comparison to some of my girlfriends.  I’m weirded out, ’cause I’ve never questioned my sexuality before, and now I find myself really attracted to girls – it’s like, whoa, BOOBS!  Hahaha.  But no, seriously, I’m really confused, and while my parents are very supportive and have always told me they don’t care about my sexuality, I still feel uncomfortable bringing it up.  Do you have any advice?

Phyllis replied:

It is so easy for me to say, just give yourself time and your sexuality will become more clear to you, but I understand how we like to know things about ourselves NOW.  It’s possible you are heterosexual and that your sexual feelings are channeled to girls right now because it feels safer somehow fantasizing about girls rather than boys.  When hormones make themselves known, all sorts of things and situations can seem sexually-oriented.  It’s possible that you’re bi-sexual, and that, given the right circumstances, you can feel sexually attracted to both girls and guys.  It’s possible you’re gay, and that you will find that you lose sexual interest in guys and it’s girls that turn you on.  Remember that I am not a doctor or a psychologist, just an enlightened grandmother who is speaking off the top of her head.  Remember too that many people will talk about sexual things to the right person or crowd; some people will tell their friends about their sexual dreams, but most people keep their sexual fantasies private, and there may be many others out there who feel the same way you do.  Try to accept your feelings, whatever they are, because things are easier to deal with when they’re not denied.  You are very lucky to have supportive parents who love you for who you are.

I Sort of Knew….

 

Question:   I could not believe it when you mentioned on the fan mail page that you have THREE ALICE BOOKS TO GO! I mean, I sort of knew this in the back of my mind, it was sort of sitting there … but somehow I am amazed ….

Phyllis replied:

You were….amazed that I’m still writing them?   That there’s going to be an end to the series?

Will There Be Another?

Hi Phyllis,   I am a really big fan of yours and absoultely love the Alice books. I have have read them all and hae been reading them since i was in grammar school, I am not in college. I just finished reading Intensely Alice and i loved it. I cried when —— was killed. I was wondering will there be another upcomng book after this one? I would greatly appreciate it if you would please respond.   Phyllis replied: I cried too, and still do when I read that part.  Yes, the next Alice book will be out next June–“Alice in Charge.”