Your Questions Answered

Absurd not to be dating?

Question:

I feel really honored to be writing to you today since you are one of my favorite authors. I notice you give really good advice and after reading your site for a long time I have a question for you.

Phyllis replied:

I can’t count the number of girls who write to me because either they or their friends or parents are concerned that they are almost through high school and still haven’t had a boyfriend, or gone out on a date, or been kissed.  I also hear from girls who never started going out with guys until they were in college.  Parents worry about all sorts of things because we all want to believe we’ve been good parents, and it’s possible that your mom simply wants to support you whatever your sexual inclinations.  If you have a full life now and don’t want to date yet, don’t!  Many girls date because they like the idea of having a boyfriend, but don’t necessarily like the guy.  It could be that you are simply more discriminating.  That you haven’t met a guy who appeals that much, and can’t quite see yourself spending an evening with someone you don’t especially crave to be around.  It’s hard to know how to turn off a worried mom, but perhaps you can tell her, with a genuine friendly smile, that if she will stop pestering you to go out with a guy before you’re ready, you will let her know when you need her suggestions or advice.  Sometimes parents just want to know that they aren’t completely excluded from what’s going on in your life, but you are certainly old enough to keep some thoughts and feelings to yourself, whatever they are.

Note from Phyllis

Spoiler Alert: If you’ve not yet read “Incredibly Alice,” you may want to skip over this post. For the rest of you, however, I thought you might enjoy two old photos from my high school senior play, “Cheaper by the Dozen.” In the first, wearing those dreadful black stockings, I’m showing my dad the underwear I intend to wear from now on; in the second, in clothes more appealing, I’ve lined up with my brothers and sisters for the customary fingernail inspection by our dad, who runs the house like a railroad time table.

Should I contact her?

Question:

I recently read Please Don’t Be True, and was shocked to find out that a classmate of Alice’s passed away. Now, that’s happened to me. I graduated in 09, and we lost out first classmate, Mike to suicide. It’s a really scary thing and he was more of an acquaintance to me, but a friend to many of my friends. One in particular, a girl that I stopped being friends with 2 1/2 years ago. We were good friends, and things just stopped one day when she told me she hated me. We were both going through rough spots in our lives. I wasn’t doing well being away at school, and she was sad that Mike left for college after recently spending a lot of time with him in the summer. So her and I didn’t just drift apart, like I said she ended things by saying through a text that she hated me, and also, “Just shut the **** up already, can’t you accept that we are no longer friends?”  Now that Mike is gone, all I can think about his her. I loved when she told me stories about them sneaking around, I was so happy for her when she finally had a chance with him. Would it be appropriate to contact her again? I wasn’t thinking anytime soon, cause she is mourning and must be taking it hard. I just wonder if I would get the same response I did a few years ago. I don’t know what to do. I still miss old times with her, and after this horrible death, maybe the past should be put aside.

Phyllis replied:

I vote for getting in  touch with her and telling her, simply and without fawning, that you miss your friendship, and how sad you are about Mike.  The worst that can happen is she’ll say no and even call you names.  If so, you will always know that you tried.  And she will always know that she rejected a friend.  We never know when we are going to miss someone, and somewhere down the line, she may need you more than you need her right now.

Explaining to parents

Prom dress

Question:

I was reading about when Alice was choosing the dress for her senior-prom in Incredibly Alice, and I was wondering if you have a photo you saw that inspired the dress. 

Question:

I wish I could say that I did, or that I love designing dresses, or that it was always the dress I wanted to have.  To tell the truth, I’m more an auditory person than a visual one.  And I can remember instances in the past when I described a dress out of desperation, and the editors gently changed it a little for me–the color or style or fabric.  When I was in high school I made my own prom dresses, though, and I do remember those.  The first was a black velvet top with a black, green and plaid taffeta skirt; the second was a brilliant red cap -sleeved dress, and–thinking my boyfriend already knew the color when he asked–I jokingly told him it was purple.  My mother said she could still remember my face when he handed me an orchid corsage.  The third dress I made, that I liked the best, was a light blue cotton stapless, form-fitting at the bodice with a flared skirt.  I loved that dress.  Maybe I should have put Alice in one of those.

Ice

Question:

would you ever consider writing a sequel to your novel

Phyllis replied:

No, I don’t think I would.  There are just too many other books I want to write.

Scared about pregnancy

Question #1:

I have two questions to ask you (reading the Alice books in Please Don’t Be True kind of set them off!!)
1. It seems like Pam’s miscarriage wasn’t a big deal. I don’t get how they happen though. So she went to the bathroom and bled, and that was it? Isn’t the baby still inside her though? So confusing.
 

Phyllis replied:

Early in a pregnancy, the miscarriage may not be more than a lot of bleeding into the toilet, with perhaps clumps of blood or a little tissue, so that the woman knows this is more than just a “little bleeding,” and can well suspect a miscarriage.  Later on, when the baby is much larger, she would definitely expel something that appeared to be a fetus.  I’m not a doctor, remember, but in the first few months of pregnancy, the first few weeks in particular, there is not much to see, and the miscarriage would look like clumps of blood. 

Question # 2. About birth control, I am still paranoid that even on pills and using condoms (2 methods), I will still get pregnant. These TV shows and my mom telling me stories scare me. Am I overly paranoid? Should I not worry?  

Phyllis replied:

 It would be very, very unlikely for you to get pregnant using both kinds of birth control, I would imagine.  Nothing is 100%, of course, and the woman could forget she had skipped a day, and the condom could be defective.  If you are all this worried, however, I would think that intercourse would be rather miserable for you, and wonder, if you are unmarried, why you are taking this chance if you worry so much?  Mothers do tend to scare their daughters because they don’t want to see them become pregnant before they are ready to be mothers themselves.  But a big advantage of being married when you have sex is that your baby is likely to be welcomed if you become pregnant or, if an unplanned pregnancy, at least supported, we hope, by the husband.  Your fear of getting pregnant, however, is something you should be able to talk over with your boyfriend.

Spoiled rich girls

Give us a hint?

Question:  Hi Mrs. Naylor. I must say, I love the Alice series. My friends think I’m crazy that I read so much of your books & have no time to hang with them. I always bother my mom to go with me to the library so that I can read the next book of the series. Anyways, I can really relate to Alice & somehow, I wish I have a sister like Alice & a brother like Lester (i’m an only child). I’m very excited to read Alice on Board & even though the series is going to end (i’m very sad about that), I hope Alice & Patrick will marry each other. I won’t mind reading lots of pages on the last book as long as I know what will happen to all the characters Can you give me a hint what the cover will look like for “Always Alice”?  You’re an awesome author.

Phyllis replied:

I haven’t seen the cover yet myself, but the editor says it’s great!  I believe Alice is standing at the rail of a cruise ship.

I LOVE the books

Question:

HELP! I recently bought 3 books.. they each had 3 parts… I’m going on to Please don’t be true… were there previous books that i should have read? GAH! and is there a 3 part book for senior year?!