Can’t Get Over Him

Thanks for always being here for all your readers with great advice! This past summer, the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college, I studied abroad in London. It was the best two months of my life. I made so many new friends and had my first experience with a guy. The past two years of college were good for me, but not great, and now was the first time in my life when I actually had a group of friends, and it felt amazing. I was so depressed to come back home, and none of us ever wanted to leave. London is all I think about, and I can’t stop thinking that we’ll never be like that again. It makes me so sad, but I feel like I’m living in the past, and I can’t let go. Also, this guy that I was hooking up with in London (first time I’ve ever been with a guy), I got really emotionally attached to, but he has been/is with so many girls, but still I can’t get over him. We haven’t spoken since July, and when I saw him here at school, he smiled, but we didn’t talk. I know that I don’t mean anything to him, but I still can’t get over it because I automatically connect him to the thought of being in London, and it’s hard for me to let it go.. I don’t know what to do.. 

Phyllis replied:

You had a great time, made good friends, had an intimate relationship that was all new for you, and now you can’t stop thinking about it–normal, normal, normal.  That may not help much, but you have learned how to share your feelings with a close bunch of friends and experience intimacy and deep feelings for a guy.  All of which proves that it can happen again. And again.  It will never be just like London, and it may not be happening at the same time—close friends,  intimate relationship, brand new city to explore–but look at it as the first of many good adventures .  The best thing about an experience like this is that you now have something with which to measure all future relationships.  It will help you sort out phoniness in friends, controlling behavior in a boyfriend, and has given you a feeling of self worth–you deserve to have friends you can trust and a boyfriend who is considerate.  Lucky, lucky you.