Hard to Choose

Question:

In September I have two things that I really want to go to. One is a trip with the school to historical black colleges, the other is my friends sweet sixteen. The trip is 4 days but one of the four days is the day of my friends sweet sixteen. I had to work very hard to get the opportunity to go on the trip, i had to write an essay and get two teachers to write recommendations. It is really hard for me to choose which one to go to. I brought this up with my therapist and it’s like she doesn’t understand. She’s like well are you interested in the colleges and all this other stuff and she makes it sound dumb to want to go. But there’s more to it then meets the eye but she makes me feel dumb and basically tells me to miss it and just go to my friend cause there’s no point in going on the trip. What do you think? And also how do I tell my therapist that it hurts to talk to her with a lot of things because she makes me feel dumb?   

Phyllis replied:

I’m not a therapist, but no therapist should make you feel dumb.  And no one can make this decision for you.  Did your friend know that you had planned this trip before she set the date for her party?  Would your not being there create a big hole in the festivities or is she probably going to have a good time regardless?   You’ll have to work this through yourself, but here’s another slant on it:  You could go on the trip to black colleges, because this is something that would be very difficult to plan on your own, and then treat your friend to a special event in honor of her 16th birthday some time after you get back, thus extending her celebration.   Sessions between a client and a counselor don’t work unless both feel comfortable, and you seem to be telling me that you aren’t comfortable with this person.  Perhaps it’s time to look for someone with whom you’re more compatible.