Home-Schooled All My Life

Question:

I’m a big fan of your books~~my favorite character doesn’t exist because I genuinely like them all, and each book teaches me something that I didn’t know before.
Anyways, what I actually want to ask you about is something not related to Alice. See, I’ve been home-schooled all my life and have never really had any friends. And it’s not that I’m anti-social~~I handle myself fine when people talk to me~~it’s just that I’m not what I think is normal social either. I sometimes use a sweeter, or as my brothers call it, more “fake” voice when I talk to other people, and I’m constantly wondering~~if not during the conversation then after it~~if they thought what I said was dorky or stupid or not as witty as I thought it was.
I get lost in big groups… like the other day, I went for a barbeque with my youth group, and I’ve only been a part of it for a couple of months now while everybody else already knows everybody: I didn’t talk to anyone except the one girl I know, and even though she’s nice and everything I couldn’t help feeling bad for myself at the end of the day because she’s not exactly the cool girl of the group either, and so while everybody was kind of hanging out and being social, I was kind of Velcroing myself to her side even though I really wanted to make more friends. I know that it makes me pathetic, not appreciating the company of the one person that hung out with me, but I don’t know….
 I don’t know what to say when people talk to me or how to form a conversation, and I don’t have any friends…I mean, it’s not like I don’t reply when someone’s speaking to me, but afterward I’m always positive that I could have said something a thousand times smarter or more intelligent. Once before I’ve actually gotten quite anxious thinking about such a situation. 
 Of course there are girls I know at church who I’ll talk with, but we’re not like real friends because we only ever see each other at church, and I don’t know how to talk and get to know them well enough to become friends outside of church either. I feel awkward around people… well, not even that, I just feel very awkward that when I’m around people I have no clue what to say. Half of the time when I do speak I’m not audible and people have to ask me to repeat myself…
 I’m going to school this fall and I don’t want to fail miserably at socializing like I did this summer when I went to summer school. People often describe me as quiet or speak for me, e.g. “she meant this”, and I just don’t want to be known as this person when I start real school.
 Any advice would be welcome.

Phyllis replied:

One of the advantages of going to school outside the home is that you’re mixing with a lot of people all the time, whether you know them, or like them, or not.  And because you have a lot of interaction with them, sometimes you say silly things, sometimes you say thoughtless things, sometimes you’re funny or clever, but because you have so many chances to say anything at all, the good ones can easily cancel out the silly ones, and you don’t have to worry for a week, before you see that person again, that you may have offended somebody.  You need to take this attitude when you start school:  if you listen carefully to the comments of other kids, you’ll see that they don’t always give intelligent or clever answers either.  A lot of conversation is just “filling the gaps.”  It doesn’t matter.  If you acted shy one day or in one class, so what?  You’ll have many, many chances to demonstrate another part of yourself.  Join any club you possibly can that is centered around something you enjoy.  Doing a project or an activity with others who share your interests is the very best, and easiest, way to make friends.