Is it time to move on?

Question:

Hello first of all just wanted to say that I have been reading your books since I was in 6th grade I am currently in college!! I’ve also wrote to you for advice and for some reason I can always count on it! Ok so this guy who I have been with for two years but also went out with for a year when I was in high school. So last summer I was so in love we planned our future together and my family loves him. He started working with his dad and completely ignored me and made me feel like I was exaggerating because he made time for me only on Sundays. His dad made him work I would get mad that he spent about 4 nights with his friends but only made time for me. Then I got pregnant. He was happy about it and he “freaked” out. I got depressed and lost 10 pounds. My family did not know about me being pregnant. Then he just completely stop talking to me and was willing to do anything for him. He pretty much told me to get an abortion and I did because of how vulnerable I was. Then after he ignored me once again. I regretted what I had done. Once he saw me going out with my friends he began talking to me again and I gave him another chance. However this summer it happened all over again. He began to ignore me and be with his friends. I have broken up with him since July and I put on a strong face but I really do miss him. He doesn’t try to fix things with me. Am I just holding on to the memories? I don’t understand him because he doesn’t try to fix things because he says he is a “bad boyfriend” should I completely stop talking to him to move on? Also he registered for the same class so that makes it difficult. To move on should I just not acknowledge him or try to be friendly? I know you’re not a psychologists or anything lol but I felt I needed to vent.

Phyllis replied:

Welll, let’s see. He ignores you, freaked out when you got pregnant (did he object to using a condom?), spends most of his time with friends, doesn’t try to fix things up between you, and tells you outright that he is a bad boyfriend, and you maybe should hang on to him because why? I think you have answered your own questions, and you know in your heart of hearts that if you had a daughter whom you loved dearly, and she came to you with the same questions you’re asking me, you would tell her she deserves someone better than that. So do you. You’ve heard it before, but really and truly you need to start showing yourself some love and consideration. Girls who are able to do that, who have a plan for their lives and can get on with it, with or without a guy, are the ones who are most attractive.

Posted on: September 19, 2012