It Seems Like She’s Ready to Fight

Question:

I have a problem with my bestfriend lately I have been tired of her! It’s like we fight way more now days. And it seems like shes ready to fight! But I don’t want to loose her as a bestfriend! It’s so confusing! We have been Bfs since kindergarten and no one has come between us I mean I ahve other friends to but not like her! Oh yeah I love your books! But anyway and I hate when we get seperated like in to different groups or when one of us is on Vacation people say pretend her name is —–aww —–‘s gone and feel bad for me! Even when they are joking I hate it! Please help me

Phyllis replied:

I’m just making a guess here, but perhaps this is what’s happening:  sometimes, when people realize it’s time to move on–like a person going away to college, who both wants to go and hates leaving his family, both at the same time–he sort of wants something to give him a little push–a little quarrel, perhaps, with his parents to help convince him that he’ll be happier away from home than to stay.  Maybe you and your friend both sense that you’re growing in different directions, and that it’s time to add new friends to your list.  Just because you’ve been best friends since kindergarten doesn’t mean that you are going to be alike for the rest of your lives.  When you’re together, the two of you seem to pick fights; when you’re apart, you miss each other.  Sounds familiar.  It will be painful, but start taking short breaks from each other.  Force yourself to do something or go some place with other girls and encourage her to do the same.  If you can carry this off now, even though you might find you end up closer than you were before, it will help you navigate through other relationships in the future.