Jealousy

Question:

I’m just in need of a little advice. I have this friend who, to me, has it all. Shes probably one of the prettiest people and everyone thinks so (including my ex boyfriend) she has cute clothes, nice family, she’s smart too. She has perfect skin and is tall and athletic and a good runner and she’s everything I wish I was. It never used to bother me until recently. We both are runners, but she has more of the ‘runners’ body than i do. She’s long and lean, her skin is super clear and she doesn’t have braces and it just makes me so jealous! I wish I was as thin as her, I wish I had good skin like her and cute clothes and I’m just incredibly jealous of her. I really needed to get this out and i thought of telling it to you. I really just don’t know how to deal with this and be happy with myself!  I compare myself to her constantly and whenever I eat something that isn’t healthy I always think, ‘Oh, I bet ____  isn’t eating this,’ and I just don’t know how to get over my jealousy.  Thank you for listening.

Phyllis replied:

You sound incredibly mature to me.  I’ll bet most people would try hard to find fault with this person, masking their jealousy.  You didn’t.  And I think you speak for many, many girls who wish they had the looks or talent of someone else.  I know how you feel.  I’ve been there.  And you’ve taken the first step, of admitting it to yourself.  First of all, NO ONE is perfect, not even this wonderful girl, and if you lived in her family, you’d find something about her that rubs people the wrong way or takes advantage of someone or isn’t as helpful as she could be–ALL of us have faults.  This is not to diminish her, or even to make you look for faults.  Just accept that she’s part of the human race.  Secondly, remember that people like us for different reasons.  Back in seventh grade–no, eithth–I was incredibly jealous of a new girl named Sally.  She was short, dark-haired, cute but not pretty, and her legs were on the heavy side.  Yet guys swarmed around her.  Literally.  Before class, you could always find Sally by the little crowd of guys who hung around her.  All I can tell you is that it was personality.  She had a great smile.  She laughed a lot.  She listened.  And once I accepted that I was jealous, and that she was truly likeable, I made friends with her myself, and learned to like her as the person she was, not the girl I wished I could be.   Think about the things that make you you, the things people most like about you, and concentrate on those.  Improve on those.  Maximize your best features, but don’t strive for perfection, because that can turn people off.  When you’re feeling most jealous, do what I do: think of Sally.