Never Been Kissed

hey, mrs. naylor. so i have a problem. well, not exactly a problem. i dont know how to even describe it, really. more or less i need advice because this is something that really bugs me. okay, so my friend, let’s call her Macy, has this boyfriend, we’ll call him Kevin. alright, so macy is basically my best friend. but she has her boyfriend, that his since the first time he broke up with her, continues to disappoint her. also, made her cry in the middle of class the second time they broke up, he broke up with her in a note. a note!! so anyway, me and macy are starting the eighth grade this year. kevin is going to be starting the ninth grade. so theres about a year and give or take a few months in between them. after kevin broke up with macy the first time, they got back together in about a month. maybe not even that long. so, i guess it was around the beginning of february, that she told me, and almost all of the girls at my party, that she gave her boyfriend a blow job. now, i was really shocked. i mean i had just turned 13, and she’s younger than i am, so she was 12. 12!!! i couldn’t believe that she would do that at 12. and then a few weeks later, he broke up with her again. then, of course, macy had another boyfriend after that, but he eventually broke up with her because he said macy was a whore and a bitch. then a month or two passed, and just a week ago, kevin asked her out again and of course she said yes. macy says she loves kevin. i stayed the night at her house about 4 days ago, and she was on the phone with him for a good 2 hours. the next day we went to the movies and kevin came. macy and kevin sat all the way in the back, and told me and the other people to give them “privacy”. so we did. we sat about 10 rows in front of them. halfway through the movie, she ran out. my friends and i thought kevin had broken up with her, but when we followed her into the bathroom we found that wasnt the case. kevin was fingering her in places that shouldnt be fingered when you’re 12. now, here’s the thing that really bugs me– i am 13 and i have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been asked out. whatsoever. i know there are alot of girls in my situation, but i cant help but feel that i am such a loser. every one of my friends has had a boyfriend this year. or at least been asked out. even people outside my circle of friends has had that done to them, i see them walking around the halls making out with their boyfriends during passing periods. my mom tells me that i will get one eventually, that boys are a “waste of time” and “aren’t worth tears” and that boys right now are “experimenting and dont see girls for who they are. they only see whats on the outside; nice boobs, nice butts” or somewhere along those lines.  i have heard this talk time and time again. i need something who isnt on the inside of this to give me an opinion. am i a loser for not having a boyfriend when everyone around me has one? should i even be friends with macy when she drags her boyfriend around and brags about hickeys and blow jobs, and makes me feel like trash? because whenever i talk about this to her, she just says “nice.” or some other passive response. so, mrs. naylor, i would really appreciate it if you could answer me. and im sorry this was so long.

Let me get this straight:  Your girlfriend gives blow jobs and allows a boy to get really intimate, and YOU feel like trash?  Look:  Macy has a boyfriend who is a year older than she, a ninth grader, and that makes her feel pretty special.  So she goes along with things she may not be comfortable with and brags about it because it gets her a lot of attention.  Macy is probably going to be in need of a friend when she gets to high school and her reputation goes along with her, not that being intimate with a guy makes her trash, but bragging about it is something she will probably regret.  I don’t agree with your mother that boys are a waste of time, but I’m not sure they’re worth tears right now.  Just as girls like to brag about boyfriends, especially the “hot” ones, guys like to do the same, and news gets around.  I doubt you would like to attract a boy like Kevin, but I can understand your wanting a boyfriend.  The thing that will make you most attractive to the kind of boyfriend you want is to help him feel comfortable around you.  One of the ways a boy feels comfortable is if you can hold up your end of the conversation and talk about things he’s interested in.  And the best way to do this is to join clubs or groups or teams  or activities that you enjoy, where you can meet both guys and girls who share your interests.  But expect that you, as all of us do, will have some embarrassments along the way.  You’ll say or do things that you wish you hadn’t said or done, but this happens to us all and is part of growing up, of getting to know the opposite sex.  I don’t think you need to give up Macy, but personally, I sure wouldn’t want to spend the night with a girl who spends two hours of the evening talking on the phone to someone else.