Sam from Alice

Comment:

Hi, this is question about Sam Mayer from your great books. To me, Sam is very nice. I would like to have a boyfriend like him. But in the Alice book where Alice goes to New York [Alice on her Way], she doesn’t behave nicely towards him. I am asking why sometimes Alice doesn’t like him. He doesn’t ask to have two girlfriends like Patrick. Is there something I am missing?

Phyllis replied:

There are a lot of good things to say about Sam, and she was attracted to him for these, but there are also a few red flags:  Sam seems a little too serious too fast.  While this is flattering, Alice also senses that perhaps Sam is a little too needy, too dependent on her.  He wants to be with her all the time,  feels left out when she wants to do things just with girlfriends, tells her he loves her when she doesn’t feel they are that close or serious yet…  He also may still be too attached to his mother–I’d have to read the book again to see.  But sometimes men (or women) who have low self esteem become very controlling after a while–wanting all of someone’s attention and driving away friends.  Perhaps Alice is sensing that all of this attention from Sam may not be so good for their relationship.