Something Important about Adult Life

Comment:

I have so much to say about the  Alice books.  They have had such a monumental impact on my life.  I realize that I’ve learned something really important about adult life from Alice in the final book:  Her life and decisions are her own.  She doesn’t share every detail of her life with Gwen, Pam, and Liz–or even Abbey and Val, or even Patrick!–anymore.   They’re all still close to her, and she keeps them updated on her life, but when they’re together she doesn’t feel she needs to do a play-by-play of her life since the last time they talked.  They can get together and just be present.  Alice doesn’t feel the need to run her life by anyone anymore, and that’s an idea that gives me hope, anticipation, and assurance for my own future.

Phyllis replied:

Yes, that’s an interesting observation.  As teens, one of the big pleasures of life is sharing every detail of a date with our friends.  “He said…then I said…and he said…and I said….”  It’s a way we confirm our sisterhood.  And part of that–the sisterhood part–follows us into marriage and parenthood, and this is necessary and good to have friends we can share with–but we also begin to  learn to respect boundaries.  Would your husband or boyfriend, for example, be comfortable knowing that you told your friends what he did or said on a certain occasion?  Is your best friend trusting that you won’t tell something she told you in confidence?  Are you telling a neighbor something embarrassing that happened to your child that would embarrass him if he knew?  Can you be comfortable with your own decisions=–wise or foolish–that you make about your choices in life?  It’s all part of the journey….