The Mean Ones

Question:

hi phyllis. i really need help. remember those girls i was telling you about? the mean ones? well i asked why they have a problem with me and we got into this discussion and one of them was sort of being nice to me and i just asked how things were  going for her, meaning everything, and she said leave me alone and actually hates me. the other one wont be friends with me till the other girl and i sort it out, but theres nothing to sort out. we were all like BFFS last year, well one of them was. i am gonna make up names, pam and kate. kate i was friends with last year. i tell myself you dont need them, you dont deserve them, but then i think of all the good times we had, and i wis i could go back to that, but then i dont. sorry about all this, its a mouth full. i just really want to know your point of view.

Phyllis replied:

It happens.  It happens to individual people, it happens to groups, and it especially happens, it seems, in middle school and early high school.  Girls are trying to sort out their own identity, and it’s tied in strongly, for better or worse, with the girls they hang out with.  I sure can remember hanging around with some people with whom I had very little in common, and acting particularly silly. I wasn’t mean to anyone, I was just someone I hardly recognize now, I did such stupid stuff.  That won’t help your problem, I know, but about all I can say is hang in there.  Of course you miss the fun you used to have.  My writing critique group finally stopped meeting after about 26 years, and I miss it horribly.  But people’s life circumstances change, personalities can change, people move away…  Concentrate on making other friends.  Some of these girls will drift back to you, some will drift further away, and you’ll make other close friends, I promise.