the meaning of sex

Hello! this may be an awkward question but let me start by saying that I am a big fan of the Alice books and love how you discussed certain topics that a lot of people think about but don’t really talk about. As a shy, introverted girl who grew up without a mother, I often thought of some of the same things Alice did and thought I was the only one, reading the series made me feel less alone and it helped me get through some tough times, sometimes it was like Alice took my thoughts clear out my mind. Alice in a way did think about sex often especially in her younger years. I’m 16 and I was wondering, how does having sex show someone you love them? How does it make the people closer? I’ve often heard people say that and they could never give me an easy answer. I’ve never experienced it. In your own opinion, would you recommend young girls to wait until marriage to have sex?

I would tell young girls to wait until both they and the men they wanted to marry had the same idea that married love should contain passion, tenderness and joy.  And joy, I think, would be number one, because if you are truly joyful in your relationship, you probably are looking forward to sexual relations with each other, and your love involves  tenderness–kindness and wanting the best  for your partner.   Sex doesn’t automatically make two people closer, even though their bodies could not be closer.  But if they know each other well, and love each other deeply, they look forward to sexual pleasure, and want to give it as well as receive it.  A couple really needs to be able to talk about anything, especially what gives them sexual pleasure.  As Alice’s older cousin always tells her, “It’s not like it is in the movies, Alice.”   It’s very personal, different for different women, especially, and a young woman should feel comfortable enough with the man she wants to marry to discuss things like this with him.  Having sex does not automatically make you love each other more.  With the wrong person, it could drive you apart.