Thoughts of Suicide

Hello! I just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoy all of your books & how realistic Alice & the other characters are. The problems they have are often extremely similar to things I deal with & I really appreciate that. I also have a question. I think I’m depressed & I don’t know what to do. I have lots of great friends & a lovely family so I don’t know why I feel this way, but I have been having suicidal thoughts & have even started writing suicide notes. This is so so so terrifying to me & I don’t know what to do. My mom is against anti-depressants & other medication but I haven’t told her about thinking about suicide. I have been feeling this way for quite a while & suicide is always in the back of my mind as a last resort if something goes wrong. I like this guy who’s my best friend & he has a girlfriend so I know I should just give up & move on but I just feel like I love him. I can’t sleep & it’s often impossible for me to focus. I go to therapy but it doesn’t seem to help.

You are in therapy for a reason, so I hope that you have told your therapist about your suicidal thoughts, whether you feel that therapy is helping you or not.  This is not something to keep to yourself.  If not your therapist, and you feel you can’t tell your parents, tell a teacher or counselor or your principal.  And if no one takes you seriously, please try one of these hot-lines:  1-800-448-3000; 1-800-422-4453; or 1-800-273-8255.   I can’t tell you not to feel the way you do, because obviously we can’t help how we feel, but we can help what we do about it.  What I can tell you is that I have known several people who seriously considered suicide at one point in their lives, and are so glad they didn’t go through with it.   Situations change; bodies change; loves change; emotions change; circumstances and places and people change.  What seems impossibly ugly or terrifying or awful now can seem of little consequence a few years, even a few months, from now.  Please ask your mother to let a doctor help you decide about medications for depression.  There is no need for you to continue to suffer the way you do now, and when you’re feeling better, you can think more clearly and see life with a different perspective.