We had So Many Things Planned…

Question:

hi, well im in need of some advice. well i have been going out with this guy. this is our story, when i was a freshmen we went out for a year but we broke up(i just didnt feel the same about him anymore) and we didnt really talk as much for 2 years and my senior year i began talking to him again and all the emotions came back but even stronger. we had changed and grown so much we ended up going back out. its been 7 months and around the time school let out he began working with his dad ALL day and by all day i mean from 7am-12 at night. we argue so much and i just dont know anymore if things will ever work out. i was fine with him working but he has been ignoring me. he ignores my txt my phone calls i just dont know if its even worth my time and hes just bring me down emotionally. we had so many things planned for each other. i gave up so many things for him and i just feel like he doesnt do the same for me. im begining to tear up just typing this. i guess i put so many things into why i havent just broken up with him:the fact that my family loves him, scared i wont find someone like him again, or just knowing i made the wrong decision again i just dont know what to do but keeping strong. i know you are like super woman i guess i just feel so confortable expressing my self to you. that’s why i love your books so much! keep writing!

Phyllis replied:

It is so hard to see a relationship begin to change, especially when you feel you have put so much into it, and given up a lot as well. And there are a number of things that might be going on with him, from being so exhausted from work that he has little energy left to devote to you, to discovering that he’s just not as interested in the relationship as he thought he was. Remember that it’s not just a person you fall in love with, it’s a type, and there are many, many others who, perhaps not just like him, will fulfill all the needs that this person did, and then some. My advice would be to let him have a chance to miss you–to make the next phone call, or send the next text, or plan the next evening together. Not as in, “Okay, see how you like it when I don’t answer messages, ” but in greeting him cheerfully when he calls, telling him about interesting things you’re doing on your own (which I hope you are), and, if he makes no suggestions about when to see each other next, end the call with a cheerful, “Okay, See you.” People change, especially people your age, and this is truly the hard, but important, part of growing up.

Posted on: June 17, 2011