We Were Caught

Question:

I was caught by the principal about a month ago kissing my boyfriend on the football field and we got a PDA slip. Turns out, when you get in trouble at my school, they look up your facebook account and see if there are any strings attached and stuff like that. From the night before, I had some pretty controversial things written on my boyfriends wall (not dirty things, but curse words) and they asked if my mother knew, and of course she didn’t. Upon getting home that afternoon, my mom flipped out saying the school called and told her about all of it and went to my boyfriend’s house and told his father I was no longer to be with his son and that he stole my innocence, etc. I was heartbroken. Frank (boyfriend’s name) and I decided to continue our relationship in a private manner. However, I go to a small school where teachers know EVERYTHING and there is definitely a danger of one of them informing my mom of the relationship. I love Frank, and I once informed my mother of this, and I have for about 3 months now. (we’ve been dating for almost 6) I don’t know what to do though. Please help. I appreciate you at least reading this. Thanks. 🙂

Phyllis replied:

That’s the thing about trust; someone may forgive you, but may not continue to trust you.   And your question seems to be not, “How can I get my mom to trust me again?” but “How can I keep on seeing Frank?”  I obviously don’t know the whole story, and if Frank is a great guy and you are a great girl, and all you were doing is kissing, I’d suggest that your mom and your principal chill out and quit making such a big deal of it.  But obviously there’s more to the story than that, Facebook included.  If you want my advice on how to sneak around with Frank without anybody finding out, I’m sure you’ve already thought of ways of doing that.  If what you truly want, however, is your mom’s approval, then you have some hard work ahead of you.  You need first of all to have a long heart-to-heart talk with her…about you, about Frank, about your goals, your plans, what the stuff on Facebook was all about, and whether you can have Frank over to your house just to watch DVDs or help with a project or fix dinner for the two of you and your mom….  In other words, if he’s a great guy, find ways for her to meet him and interact with him.  Give her a chance to change her mind.