Your Questions Answered

He Wasn’t Fully Over His Ex

Question:

Hey phyllis i’m the girl who wrote you last week about my boyfriend possibly going back to his ex girlfriend. we broke up, and i’m really hurt. i went out with him the other night and he acted like he was going to cry the whole night, and when i politely asked him what this was all about, he said that he really wasn’t fully over his ex when he started dating me. it is true that they hadn’t been broken up for very long, but i thought he was fine since he seemed to really like me. he says he does like me, but his ex is also still really important to him. the problem is, he wasn’t like this at all before his ex started calling again. i really wish she would just go away….i mean i admire him for being polite to me about it but it really hurts that she pretty much just stole him back. i guess i can’t blame her because he’s a nice guy, and she wasn’t rude to me in any kind of way, but what she did still really hurts and i miss him already. it really seemed like his relationship with me was more convenient, i go to his school, i see him every day, i’m his age, and she is a year older and goes to a different high school which is halfway across the county. i feel really selfish for holding a grudge against them, but i do. his ex completely ruined my first relationship and now i’m really hurt. thanks for letting me talk to you.

Phyllis replied:

I’m so sorry.  I really don’t think she’s going to “just go away,” and perhaps she feels you sort of “moved in” on her, before they had time to make up their minds about their break-up.  Your sadness is real, but please don’t add drama to it by reminding yourself that it was your first relationship.  A breakup is sad whether it’s the first boyfriend or the fifteenth, but you will get over it.  Remember that you want a guy to be with you because he wants to be, not because he feels obligated to you somehow.  It’s mature of you that you can see the good in both the girl and the guy and not regard them as enemies.  Leave this relationship with class.  Other people are noticing, including the guy you liked so much.

I Watched the Movie Twice in One Night

Question:

I think your books are the most best series I’ve read. I read them over and over again. I really like, ‘Including Alice’, ‘The Grooming of Alice’, and ‘Alice In Between.’ I like ‘The Grooming of Alice’ because Mrs. Plotkin dies, because nobody writes books these days that are actually that sad. I feel sad knowing that Alice isn’t actually a real person. I’ve watched the Alice Movie, [starring Allyson Stoner] twice in one night, and then I watched it again, the next night. I’m extremely excited to read the next published book, ‘Intensely Alice.’ Please reply.

Phyllis replied:

You may find Intensely Alice even more sad, but sometimes life is like that.  Thanks so much for writing to me.

The Reason I Stay up Late at Night

Question:  
 I am a die hearted Alice fan from New York.  I’ve been reading your Alice books since the 6th grade.  My wonderful 6th grade English teacher introduced me to your books one day after I got tired of raiding through her tiny library and complained to her that I have nothing to read.  Now, I’m ususally not someone who complains but boy was I glad that I did that day.  Had I not done that, I don’t think I would be reading your wonderful Alice books.  I usually don’t write to authors but when I do write, that means that the book that I am reading must be superb!
I was estatic when Borders bookstore sent me an email about your upcoming Alice book, Intensely Alice.  I nearly jumped out of my seat, screaming in delight because I waited a whole year to read about what’s going to happen in the next chapter of Alice’s life.  One the release day of Intensely Alice, I ran to the book store during my lunch break but I was so diappointed when I discovered that Borders did not have it in stock.  But as a big fan of Alice, I was determined to buy a copy.  That following weekend, I brought my copy, and read it in four hours.  I must say, it was a very good book.  The story did make me a little sad towards the end. Your book was so well written that I could feel Alice’s pain and shock. I absotutely love how you brought Patrick back into Alice’s life!  I think he is the perfect match for Alice.  PLEASE make them get back together in your future books!  I think many readers would love to see that happen.  There is no other guy that is more perfect for Alice than Patrick, not even Scott, Sam, or Tony.  I strongly believe that Faith has decided that Patrick shall be with Alice!
I think the reasons why I adore the Alice books is because Alice is so real.  She’s a teenager like me, whose going through High School with drama, sadness, happiness, and unexpected events.  Alice is the reason why I stay up late at night.  She brightens my day and makes reading fun! I still enjoy reading the prequels!  Alice will be one of those books that I will never ever get tired of reading.
Now we must wait another year for another Alice book. Good luck on your future Alice books! Keep writing Ms. Naylor!

Phyllis replied:

I’m so glad that you finally got a copy of the new Alice book.  A year is a long time to wait for the next book, I know.  There will be 28 Alice books in all, and if you ever see your 6th grade English teacher, please give her a hug for me.

I Was Up Until 4:00 AM

Question:

Just wanted to share how thoroughly pleased I am with Intensely Alice! I got home around 11:30 PM after a long night of work, went into my bedroom to change out of my work clothes, and was delighted to see a little box from Simon & Schuster sitting on my bed! After grabbing some dinner and catching up with a friend via Facebook IM, I finallyyyy got to read the book! I was up until 4:00 AM and couldn’t put it down! It’s so hard for me to decide what my #1 favorite Alice book is, but this one’s definitely a contender; I laughed aloud at Mr. Watts, felt proud of the gang and how much they’ve grown up, and cried my eyes out through the last few chapters.

I read my first Alice book when I was probably 9 or 10, and will be 21 later this year. Even though I’m considerably older than Alice now, I love that she and her friends have grown with me. I’ve started to collect the series; as a college student working part time, I try to find soft-cover, used copies on Amazon and such. I only have four more books to get until I’m caught up, and I’d love to have the whole collection to share with my daughter, if I ever have a daughter someday.

Just wanted to say your new book was fantastic (as always!) and I’m eagerly waiting another year for the next one!

Phyllis replied:

 

I’m sorry I kept you up so late, but am just elated to know that you were that interested in the book.  Thanks so much for writing to me.  I hope you complete your collection of all the Alice books!

I Don’t Want to Lose Him

Phyllis replied:

 

I’m so sorry, and I know how much this can hurt.  Yes, it’s possible that the ex-girlfriend is winning him back, and it will not help your situation to accuse or fuss or cry.  You want him to be with you because he wants to be there, not because he feels obligated.  The most helpful thing you can do is to tell him that, in the kindest way you know, even though you’re hurting inside.  He may like this girl for other reasons than that she is slim and pretty and athletic.  He may like you for reasons all his own.  Your best bet now is to help him feel comfortable with you.  If I were in your place, which I’m not, I think I would tell him gently that if he would like to take a break from dating you for a while, perhaps that’s what you ought to do.  And if he accepts this offer, and eventually decides to go back to his ex-girlfriend, he will at least have generous thoughts about you.  He may even remember what it was that caused his original breakup and how much fun he had with you.  There will be other boyfriends, I promise, and perhaps some day you will be the one who is breaking up with someone to go back to a previous boyfriend.  This is life, and you will survive it.  Just end it with class.

The Legacy of Alice

Question:

I just finished reading "Intensely Alice", and it was wonderful as usual. I
sobbed my way through the last few chapters. I really love how Alice has grown
through the books. It will be an impossibly long 12 months until the next
edition.

I've been reading Alice since I was eighteen; my best friend Mandy turned me
onto them when she was a page at the library. We're in our thirties now, and
work together at a newspaper. (I wrote to you awhile back about how Alice books
were my guilty pleasure!) I received "Intensely Alice" through the mail from
Amazon today, and immediately ran it up to her on the 3rd floor for the
ceremonial book unveiling. I finished it in 2 and a half hours tonight and will
pass it on to her tomorrow. In many ways I am the Pamela of our friendship, and
Mandy is the Elizabeth. But we both see a bit of ourselves in Alice, which is
what makes Alice so great- she's easy to relate to.

I have an 11-year-old daughter, who unfortunately does not share my love of
reading. But her school has this wonderful program called "Accelerated Reading",
which she participates in. She read "Shiloh" earlier this year and really liked
it. Last week she came to me and asked my opinion of what she should read next.
I was so excited! I gave her "Alice in April". I read the first couple of
chapters out loud to her, and she really got into it. She was enthralled with
the whole "naming states" thing. "What about Utah? What about New Mexico?" she
kept asking. LOL. She finished the whole book in 2 days. I've got her on "All
But Alice" next. It's so nice to be able to share these with her, finally.

Thanks so much for continuing with the legacy of Alice!

Phyllis replied:

It really makes my day when I hear that mothers and daughters are enjoying the Alice books together, and I got a laugh out of you and your friend. I think there's a little bit of Pamela and Elizabeth and Alice is all of us, and I loved the ceremonial unveiling.  Enjoy!

 

Don’t Keep Them Going On and On

Amazing!

Something I Can Connect With

Question:

   I have been reading the Alice series for only a few years but have read all of the books. They got me to enjoy reading. I have grown up with Alice and I know that she and the “crew” have made a difference in my life and the decisions i have made. When they laugh I laugh, and when they cry I cry too.They seem as though they are my friends everytime i turn the page. Thank you so much for writing the books. I truely hope you continue to write them and let us explore life with Alice and her friends. At fifteen it’s great to find something that you can connect to in such a way. I hope anyone reading the Alice series is captured in the quite ammusing life of Alice McKinley as I was. Keep writing!!

 

Phyllis replied:

Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoy the Alice books!

Is This Anything to Worry About?

Question:

Okay so I gained a lot of weight last year from staying up really late at night and not going a minute without eating junkfood.  I gained about 25 pounds.  I went from 125 to about 150.  I didn’t really realize that I had gained so much weight until last summer when school ended.  I started worrying about it a lot which is something I had never done in my life.  I have always eaten whatever I liked and not gained any weight.  I got back to my normal weight around last fall by exercising and not eating as much as before.   It seems that since then I am constantly worrying about my weight and what I should and should not eat. I plan out my meals so that I can eat as little as possible through the day and when my parents come home I eat with them.  I  chew gum a lot to resist the urge to eat.  I really don’t know why I am doing this.  I am worried it may be turning into a eating disorder that I can’t control.  Most of the time I am just not hungry so I feel I should not eat.  Sometimes when I do eat and it seems a lot to me ,I feel like I should get it out.  I havn’t done that though because Im afraid it will become a habit.  If I feel I ate too much I feel really upset the whole night.  Im not really starving myself, I weigh 115 now.  But I cant help thinking I want to be thinner.  Its almost like a game.  Everytime I weigh myself I am hoping I will weigh less than the last time I was on the scale and if I do I am happy with myself.  I really really do not know why I am doing this, how can I stop thinking this way.  Could one of the reasons be that I stay home all day and dont get out with friends? My mom has gotten on to me about not eating and got really angry a couple nights ago about it.  She said I look too thin and that I need to eat more, but if I do it makes me miserable.  I don’t want this to become a big problem and I dont want to worry my family.  Worrying about my weight is becoming pretty obsessive and it is all I can think about sometimes.  Could you please tell me what you think is wrong and what you think I should do about it.  Is this even anything to worry about?

Phyllis replied:

I know very little about the best way to treat beginning anorexia, but the fact that you are so concerned about it seems to indicate that you need to talk with someone about this.  One of the things you said made me wonder why you ARE staying home all day and not going out?  What do you do all this time?  It sounds to me as though you would be bored out of your skull.  You seem to have had good results in the past from exercising more and being careful about what you eat.  Why not add to this a hobby or volunteer work that would make your life more interesting?  Sitting around all day worrying about food seems so, so, so bor-ing to me.  You’re on the right track when you say you don’t eat when you’re not hungry. Great.  But do your body a favor and  eat when you are hungry.  If you can strike a good balance between food, exercise and doing something interesting with your time, the false weight issue may not rule you as it does now.